» Accidental innuendo

my job is dull, this really was the highlight of my day
In one of those online tech support chats with Dell only yesterday..


Agent (Kaushik_Nath): "I see that your computer is indeed an Inspiron 630M, shipped originally with Windows XP Professional."

Agent (Kaushik_Nath): "Do you have the computer which is in question next to you at the moment, Jennifer?"

Jennifer: "I do indeed"

**slight pause**

Agent (Kaushik_Nath): "I apologize for the delay in my response due to a slight tool error at my end."

Jennifer: "I hope your tool is performing properly now"

Agent (Kaushik_Nath): "Yes. It is all fine now. Thank you."

Ha ha ha ha.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 16:10, More)

» My Collection

The X-Files (you know, I'm not even ashamed..)
This is my first post, but I felt the geekiness of my collection deserved some public acknowledgement..

I used to be an X Files fan.
I have every episode on video. I used to tape them all off the tv, I have some episodes from BBC2 dating back to about 1995. I had similarly obsessed freinds in America who used to send me the new episodes (in crappy NTSC format) as soon as they were shown (pre-broadband days obviously!). I bought a new video player that could play both PAL and NTSC so I could watch them. Course the picture quality was awful so I'd have to tape a new PAL version when they were shown over here.
I've also bought all the seasons in the box sets, and I have all the single videos (from before I could afford the box sets). I have three different versions of the movie (British release, American release, rental release) all on video.
Recently I've started getting the DVD box sets too as they've been on sale in HMV..

I have the action figures from the movie (full set inc boxes) and I bought a T-2000 action figure from Terminator 2 so I could have a John Doggett when he joined.. I have an old video display from MVC with full-size cardboard cut outs of season 5 Mulder and Scully. I had about six different (some official, some not) t-shirts and two hats (one that just had the X on, one that was like Max Fenig's hat..).

I used to buy all the sci-fi magazines, back in the day they always used to have X-Files covers, SFX, Cult Times, X Pose, and I used to get them sent over from America too, like if TV guide had them on the cover. My favourite was when Gillian Anderson was on the cover of Curve (gay lady magazine in the US.. she may be married to a man but I'm still convinced..). I had signed photos of Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny.
I had all the posters, official ones and video or other release ones from MVC and Our Price including a "trust no one" poster with the flying saucer. My room was literally covered in posters, including the celing. I also had a plaster alien head. That wasn't official but he used to wear the X hat so it looked like it.

I never went to an X-Files convention, but I did go to a Stargate SG-1 convention because Don S Davis (General Hammond/Scully's dad) was there.. I got my picture taken with him.

I could go on, but it would be best to leave it at that before anyone at work sees what I'm writing about and never talks to me again...
(Wed 17th Jan 2007, 14:29, More)

» I witnessed a crime

Almost..
In the last 3 months I have witnessed...

* A man being stabbed in the neck and crawling into the local Nandos for help
* A bank being ram-raided
* A drive-by shooting in a pub
* An old lady being run over by a bus.

Well I say witnessed, I was present at all of these events but some how managed to not notice any of them. I only know about them because other people have told me or I read about it in the paper.

My observational skills are obviously second to none..

I did actually witness a bloke trying to rape a very drunk girl a few weeks back. We kept her chatting (she was so drunk she didn't know where she was) while someone ran off to get the police. I feel like I did a good deed.
(Thu 14th Feb 2008, 17:15, More)

» Work Experience

"work" experience?
I never really liked the sound of 'work' at age 14, and still don't now 10 years later, but back then I was far more cunning in my attempts to get out of it. I'm being forced to do it now for rent and beer, but back then I had no such worries so I took the easier, least career-helping 'experience' on the list.

Most of my friends ended up in the usual banks, shops old people's homes, primary schools, but somehow I ended up at art college. Not working at the college, oh no, I went there for two weeks as a student.
Whomsoever came up with the idea that one of the options would be being a student layabout for two weeks was a bloody genius. I sat in the grass and smoked with the students, and built a boat out of paper straws while the rest of my friends struggled with menial admin and arse-wiping jobs. Woo!

I also conned the school out of my 'travel expenses' by putting my address as my home address (10 miles from the college) and staying with my dad (5 mins walk from the college).

It was very handy experience as it goes, as since completing my GCSEs I have managed to waste a further 7 years in educational establishments, and if my luck holds out, I might be going back for another three. Procrastination is an art that must be learned..
(Fri 11th May 2007, 15:56, More)

» Shit Stories

Not me, but I was there..
that fateful day in maths, in about year 9.
A poor guy, who I later became quite good friends with at college, had forgotten his textbook. As this guy was known for being a bit of the joker-type, and the teacher wasn't in the mood, he made him bring his bag up to the front so he could search it.
Dutifully, the guy took his bag up to to front, and the teachers started to take stuff out and put in on his desk, in view of the whole class. To everyone's, including the teacher's surprise, he did not find the textbook, but instead was greeted by the sight of a big, full, nappy residing between folders and books and stationary.
Turns out, the guy had some cheeky younger brothers, and a recently born younger sister. Combine the two, and you get very funny nappy-in-the-schoolbag scenarios.
(Fri 7th May 2004, 18:43, More)