b3ta.com user Big Chief Dumpalot
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» Shit Stories

Bicycle poo
I was with a group of friends on a bicycle ride once. We were headed from Croxley towards Lees Wood in Watford.

Del was in the lead for a change. Unfortunately he managed to ride through a large, wet pile of freshly laid dog egg. This flicked up from his front wheel and into his gaping mouth. I heard an exclamation of utter digust and he turned round and spat out the offending log.

Even more unfortunate was Lee riding behind Del with his mouth open to get a good lungful of air (we were pushing it a bit!). Del's projectile globule of doggy poop, spit and mucus landed straight in Lee's mouth. The torrent of abuse and exchanged expletives would have made A. Trooper blush.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 14:57, More)

» Shit Stories

Watersports dump across the pond
A friend of mine, Edward, is a talented airchair rider, and has travelled to the good 'ol US of A a couple of times to enjoy a holiday with some of the folks who invented the sport.

Whilst out on their boat he suddenly found he needed to defecate. With no toilet on board he jumped in, dropped his shorts and preceeded to give birth to a family of small brown trout. His new "offspring" decided to stay close to their creator and he had a swim backwards, legs open, on his back whilst dropping more kids off at the pool.

The enduring image of him desperately trying to escape his own progeny keeps me amused!
(Thu 6th May 2004, 15:05, More)