b3ta.com user donald_semblance
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» Ignored Advice

close your car window or that bear will smell us and attack!!!
I didn't believe her and it did smell us, but it didn't attack. Instead it ended up semi-humping the car...
(Thu 15th Nov 2012, 20:51, More)

» Shit Stories

A story about poo just for you, its what i do!
3 stories that must to be included:

Many years ago our cat was regularly terrorised by a large alsatian dog and coincidentally at the same time we would discover very large poos (8-12" and of a noble girth) on a small path hidden away by the side of our house. This provided a topic for conversation round the dinner table and a story for my sister and I to regale to our mates. Despite these benefits for us my Dad found it downright unpleasant and vowed to put a stop to it. He was advised to catch it pooing and give it a good fright and it would never return, although he was up by 7 most mornings the damage had already been done, the perpertrator was an early riser, that was for sure! My dad rigged an alarm (he's an electrical engineer type) that went off just in the bedroom when triggered and was tripped when something went up the path. the first night there were several false alarms but in the end aroung six in the morning he legged it down stairs and out the front door only to turn round the corner and be confronted by the local paperboy having his daily massive turd on our path. his 'patch' was soon changed. Luckily he attended the same school as my sister and she told me he never recovered from the related abuse that only school kids can create. I know not what became of him but hope it turned out well for him.

A village idiot type character (couldn't count to 20 aged ten. refused to wear shoes. shot pigeons alot) coerced by his brother to crap on Dock leaf (perfect shape!), this was then wrapped up and some petrol was added. this was then placed on village green and lit. it fooking stank, people walking past would wonder over have a look and then recoil in horror at stench. it burnt for a good while. he was a dirty little barsteward!

Keep this one brief, walked back from night on piss causing a relaxed anal sphincter and could feel bully's special prize wanting to make an appearance, thought i can make it. i couldn't, i shat myself. woke up in morning thought that was horrible but nobody knows so I'm OK. take rubbish out to bin, shit covered clothes strewn down my path = disgusted neighbours. i still wear those trousers.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 18:04, More)

» Local Nutters

cross the road
There is man who lives in a mental institution in nottingham (near the arboretum) who loves to cross the road. he will literally cross a 200m stretch of road 20ish times. Signposts will be incorporated into the fun, he will walk round them a couple of times. He always looks deliriously happy, maybe because of drugs used to suppress his obvious mental frailty. There are thousands of mentals in notts. Howabout the chap, known as the mullet, chicken master or the vampire who hangs round bars on his own every night of the week on his own talking to nobody. he is a scary chap and will run if he thinks you are trying to communicate with him in anyway. Who is this bloke, does anyone know?
(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 15:11, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

sickest joke i know
How do you make a gay man have sex with a woman?

Sh*t in her c*nt.

one of many from my repetoire that one!
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 17:10, More)