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» Your Revenge Stories
Oh Hell Just thought of another....
I didn't realise I had so many revenge stories.
Again this one involves my flatmates Steve (see my earlier post) and Vish.
Vish, was the owner of an expensive but rather tastless BMW. It had the sound system, reflective number plates, motion detecting alarm system, go faster stripes - the works.
We also had the perenial nosey neighbour. This guy was 70 and completely paranoid about people parking in front of his house. Basically he was just a sad old man who wanted to keep the parking space free for when his daughter came to visit. Of Course Vish and Steve couldn't resist tormenting him. Vish would park infront of his house just to wind him up. Nosey neighbour would come out of his house, waving his walking stick and hurling abuse.
Vish was bad but it was Steve who came up with the ultimate revenge.
Steve fancied himself as a bit of a chef, so one day he decides to make a crumble for our neighbour by way of a peace offering. The contents of this dish include, Earth from the back garden, fish guts, urine, the contents of the dustbin and a whole host of other culinary delights. As a decorative touch Steve arranges the words "YOU CUNT" in pasta shells on top of the crumble.
He took it round to our neighbor and apolagetically says "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye but we'd like to give you this as our way of saying sorry."
I don't know if this guy actually ate it but I strongly suspect the Steve might have killed him if he had.
(Fri 14th May 2004, 17:15, More)
Oh Hell Just thought of another....
I didn't realise I had so many revenge stories.
Again this one involves my flatmates Steve (see my earlier post) and Vish.
Vish, was the owner of an expensive but rather tastless BMW. It had the sound system, reflective number plates, motion detecting alarm system, go faster stripes - the works.
We also had the perenial nosey neighbour. This guy was 70 and completely paranoid about people parking in front of his house. Basically he was just a sad old man who wanted to keep the parking space free for when his daughter came to visit. Of Course Vish and Steve couldn't resist tormenting him. Vish would park infront of his house just to wind him up. Nosey neighbour would come out of his house, waving his walking stick and hurling abuse.
Vish was bad but it was Steve who came up with the ultimate revenge.
Steve fancied himself as a bit of a chef, so one day he decides to make a crumble for our neighbour by way of a peace offering. The contents of this dish include, Earth from the back garden, fish guts, urine, the contents of the dustbin and a whole host of other culinary delights. As a decorative touch Steve arranges the words "YOU CUNT" in pasta shells on top of the crumble.
He took it round to our neighbor and apolagetically says "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye but we'd like to give you this as our way of saying sorry."
I don't know if this guy actually ate it but I strongly suspect the Steve might have killed him if he had.
(Fri 14th May 2004, 17:15, More)
» Your Revenge Stories
Cucumber
Oooh Got another one, Also from Uni days.
I remember being told a story by a girl I knew at Uni. I must admit she was a bit of a fruitloop!
At one point she was living in an all female residence and she had a falling out with one of the other girls in the house. One day she happens to be looking in the fridge and spots that her enemy has bought a cucumber for dinner. She decides to 'borrow' the cucumber.
What did she do with it? Well let's just say, she was feeling a little bit horny that day and that it was the closest thing to a man she could find!
Does she, chuck the cucumber in the bin or replace it? No. She puts it back in the fridge as if nothing has happened.
Cut to later that evening. Her enemy is tucking into a nice cucumber salad. "mmmmmmmm she says, this cucumber is delicious!"
(Fri 14th May 2004, 16:34, More)
Cucumber
Oooh Got another one, Also from Uni days.
I remember being told a story by a girl I knew at Uni. I must admit she was a bit of a fruitloop!
At one point she was living in an all female residence and she had a falling out with one of the other girls in the house. One day she happens to be looking in the fridge and spots that her enemy has bought a cucumber for dinner. She decides to 'borrow' the cucumber.
What did she do with it? Well let's just say, she was feeling a little bit horny that day and that it was the closest thing to a man she could find!
Does she, chuck the cucumber in the bin or replace it? No. She puts it back in the fridge as if nothing has happened.
Cut to later that evening. Her enemy is tucking into a nice cucumber salad. "mmmmmmmm she says, this cucumber is delicious!"
(Fri 14th May 2004, 16:34, More)
» Your Revenge Stories
Revenge is a dish best served cold and soggy
This is a little story of impromtu revenge from my Uni Days involving my then housemate Steve.
I went to meet Steve at one of the local nightclubs. By the time I got there Steve was already completely slaughtered. Inside the club they had a Burger Bar. I was completely famished, mainly because Steve had eaten us out of house and home (the fat greedy cunt!) So I went and ordered a burger and chips for myself. Not wanting to appear stingy I offered some chips to the others, including Steve. Being completely wasted, instead of taking a chip, he managed to knock the entire box out of my hand. The chips went all over the floor. He then disappeared into the throng, red faced and laughing.
I collected the chips, put them back in the box and put them to one side.
About 45 mins later Steve returns, by which time the chips are stone cold.
"Oi Steve!" I say, "Have some chips!"
The following day when he has had a chance to sober up he tells me he remembers eating the chips and thinking at the time how cold and soggy they were.
I like to think, that this tale contains a certain poetic justice.
(Fri 14th May 2004, 16:14, More)
Revenge is a dish best served cold and soggy
This is a little story of impromtu revenge from my Uni Days involving my then housemate Steve.
I went to meet Steve at one of the local nightclubs. By the time I got there Steve was already completely slaughtered. Inside the club they had a Burger Bar. I was completely famished, mainly because Steve had eaten us out of house and home (the fat greedy cunt!) So I went and ordered a burger and chips for myself. Not wanting to appear stingy I offered some chips to the others, including Steve. Being completely wasted, instead of taking a chip, he managed to knock the entire box out of my hand. The chips went all over the floor. He then disappeared into the throng, red faced and laughing.
I collected the chips, put them back in the box and put them to one side.
About 45 mins later Steve returns, by which time the chips are stone cold.
"Oi Steve!" I say, "Have some chips!"
The following day when he has had a chance to sober up he tells me he remembers eating the chips and thinking at the time how cold and soggy they were.
I like to think, that this tale contains a certain poetic justice.
(Fri 14th May 2004, 16:14, More)
» Shit Stories
Bucketing out of both ends
There was one occasion I was staying round at my girlfriends and I ordered a chinese takeway. I remember eating it thinking: "hmmmmmmmm this Chinese smells like cat food". I ate about third of it and then binned the rest.
Needless to say, about an hour later there were rumblings of discontent from my bowels. The evacuations were explosive, liquid and violent. I think I must have spent the whole night either running too or squatting on the lav. In fact I did so much shitting that by the following day my shits had a clear, glutinous, jelly like quality.
You won't be suprised to here I didn't order from that Chinese again.
(Fri 7th May 2004, 12:50, More)
Bucketing out of both ends
There was one occasion I was staying round at my girlfriends and I ordered a chinese takeway. I remember eating it thinking: "hmmmmmmmm this Chinese smells like cat food". I ate about third of it and then binned the rest.
Needless to say, about an hour later there were rumblings of discontent from my bowels. The evacuations were explosive, liquid and violent. I think I must have spent the whole night either running too or squatting on the lav. In fact I did so much shitting that by the following day my shits had a clear, glutinous, jelly like quality.
You won't be suprised to here I didn't order from that Chinese again.
(Fri 7th May 2004, 12:50, More)