» The last thing that made me cry

And now for something completely different.
The last time I *actually* ever cried was when I was 12. I've been emotionally crippled ever since this incident. When I was 12 I had a dog that I'd had for a very long time. A very lovely Cavalier King Charles' Spaniel called Matilda whom I loved very much. I was playing out the front with her one day when she ran onto the road, chasing a car, dodged it but went smack into the front of another incoming car. The car hit her and she completely buckled under the weight... the cunt driving the car slowed down gave me the finger and drove off. I ran into the road and picked up her limp body feeling her slowly dying in my hands as I ran to the front door of my house... I ran inside and impotently called the vet (this was at 6am on a sunday, so no dice) screaming at the answering machine down the end of the line. I looked down at my dog lying beside the phone in a contorted twisted shape and saw the life fade from her eyes. I sobbed constantly for 8 hours there, my head on her body. I loved her and some pompous wanker in a 4WD had the temerity to take her away from me. That was the last time I cried. Except for now.
(Sat 16th Apr 2005, 11:00, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Metho + Beer.
This actually happened to me last night. I was at a party with a few of my mates and was getting suitably sloshed in his hot tub with a few friends of the female persuasion. This irritated one of my other friends who were mucking around the bottom of the yard with beerbottles full of metho and lighting them. Anyway, they'd left a beer bottle on fire for a bit and blew it out. Still burning hot and full of metho, he offered me the drink. Me - stupidly - thinking it was a new drink and he was offering it to me grabbed it and took a huge swig. Cut to me spitting hot metho over everyone in the hot tub and scalding my lips. Fun on the bun.

- Edit: Stupid me and my stupid not readingness of the topic title. You know what, Fuck it. I'm adding in my second one.

In Drama in year 9 we all had to do our own Monologue for the exam. Well, I hadn't prepared and before the show had an idea, purchased a big bottle of Green Tomato Sauce with so that I could spray it on people if I started to go badly (I was in year 9... these things are logical back then). Anyway, before the show, I saw one of my mates had a doll and I borrowed it off him. Anyway, show's up - In front of my grade with this doll and the tomato sauce, things went poorly, so I take the bottle of tomato sauce out and poor it on the doll. Cue "YOU FUCKING CUNT" from the guy I'd borrowed the doll off and he comes on stage and beats me half to death in front of everyone there (It's on film also), they let him hit me for about 4 minutes before anyone helped. Anyway, found out later that the doll was given to him by his mum before she died. The moral of the story is, don't put green tomato sauce on things that have value or meaning.

(Sorry about length)
(Sat 11th Sep 2004, 1:25, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Well, it wasn't really a food.
Picture this. School Drama camp, a bunch of wankish thespians and a bunch of fellow lads that hate the wankers. Pretty much we were the 'film' crew and we stayed as far away from the 'stage' crew as we could. Except the bloody bastards raided us the first night and shaved off my mate's eyebrows. So, of course we had to get him back. We grabbed a bucked, filled it half with lime cordial, after shave, orange juice, spit, insect repellant, shaving cream, a bit of JB for good measure (that's Jim Beam, not Jail Bait) assorted other crap we found in our bags and a good dose of urine. Then, we found the we dodger who'd shaved off our mate's eyebrow, snuck up on him while he was asleep and poured it into his mouth.

Oh, wait? Most hated food? Tripe. I thought it was pasta. Threw up all over the dinner table. Parents never served it again.
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 14:51, More)

» Pure Ignorance

One Simple Word.
"Madchester" instead of Manchester.

I wanted to die.
(Thu 13th Jan 2005, 13:31, More)