» Stuff You've Overheard

Chubby 5yr old on the bus this morning
Mum: 'So what we going to have for lunch then Bobby?'

Bobby: 'Monkeys and Cabbage!'
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 10:57, More)

» Useless advice

Can't handle your acid trip?
..drink 2 litres of orange juice, it 'brings you down'

Fucking bollocks. All it does is to make you have a most disturbing vomit, with bats and dog shit in it.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 16:01, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

On a stag weekend in Antwerp
..all the deviants I was with went for a lady of the night experience. I was so wankered I picked one, walked into the booth and as she drew the curtains curled up on the end of the bed and had a 20 minute kip.

It cost 40 euros.
(Thu 9th Jun 2005, 12:28, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Stu Francis
..of Crackerjack (ahem) 'fame' circa 1983ish. I was 8 and staying in small guesthouse in Devon with the family for the summer holiday.

One morning at breakfast there he was scoffing toast and tea sitting at a table opposite us. I was in awe. STU FRANCIS! 'oooh, I could crush a grape/rip a tissue/piss on me gran' etc..was there in the flesh opposite ME.

So half hour or so passes and I get the courage to go ask him for his autograph just as he was getting up to leave.

'God, will people just LEAVE ME ALONE!' came the distinctly un child entertainer-like reply from his sour, moody looking face.

I nearly died, cried and pissed my pants all in a single moment of total humiliation and despair.

However, we had the last laugh. The next morning my older brother hid a nice, meaty, blood tinged bogey in the butter on his table.

Crush that in your mouth Francis, you fucking cunt.
(Fri 26th May 2006, 12:54, More)

» I just don't get it

I don't understand..
how the Pope is still ali..

oh.
(Fri 1st Apr 2005, 11:09, More)