» Toilets

Crappy Krabbi
Travelling round thailand with my girlfriend we got stuck between ferry and flight in the stink hole that is Krabbi town. It was fucking hot and I had a dodgy tummy. Looking round for an air conditioned place to drop my load we ended up in a Chinese Karaoke teahouse(???)

I rushed into the sweaty Thai (squat over the hole) toilet and a shit grenade went off in my arse. It absolutly stank!!!, to make matters worse there was no toilet paper and just at that moment the cleaning lady decided to mop the floor. Sweating like a rapist the only thing left to do was wipe up with one of my socks.

The cleaner had a look of absolute disgust as i left the cubicle and placed my diarrhea covered sock in the bin, making a mental note to look out for lack of paper in the future.

We left the teahouse and headed for a crap department store where, 10 minutes later, I felt the cramps again. Sprinting to the shop's (even worse) toilets I let off another small brown explosion to the audience of a Thai man having a fag. I'd bloody done it again!!! there was no paper! There was, however, a little hosegun next the loo, obviously a primative flushing system. I picked it up and aimed it back up my arse to wash the crap out. Bad move! the gun went off like a riot hose, spraying little bits of shit up the walls and ceiling. Que my remaining sock.

Not a good day in Krabbi!
(Fri 2nd Sep 2005, 15:42, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Nazi tummy
A few years ago when I was still living in my parents loft room, I was awoken violently at about 4am and was sick over myself in bed and had to dash to the loo to finish being be very sick in the en-suite toilet. I felt like death but managed to go back to sleep.

Then around 9am, after calling in ill to work with food poisoning I realised I needed to run to the loo again to be sick, I was naked as I'd taken off my sick covered boxers. As i was heaving into the loo, the strain on my gut caused me to follow through with what can only be described as anal gravy, all over the bathroom floor behind me.

Realising that I couldn't stop my squits firing out I had to make a quick turn to sit on the loo I just been sick into. The stench of the shit made me throw up even more and as I slipped in my crap to try and sit on the loo I tried to also reach for the basin near the toilet to be sick into a the same time, only it was just out of reach.

I then spent the next 10 minutes alternating between throwing up over my knees and sink and shitting into/around the loo as I tried to time the exits from both holes.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 17:26, More)

» It was a great holiday, but...

The $200 turd
I was about 15 and on holiday with my family and an American couple they knew doing a fly-drive holiday on the west coast. We stopped in vegas for 2 nights and stayed in the newly opened Excalibur hotel (then the world's largest).

On the first night I gorged myself on one of the endless buffets you find in these casinos and by morning I was busting for a shit. Settling down in the rooms spanking new bathroom a forced out what can only be described as the king kong of dumps, taking several hard pushes to get it clean out.

I flushed to toilet and bid my impressive evacuation farewell. The turd it seems had other ideas and ended up getting stuck in the plumbing and flooding the bathroom. I said I had no idea why the toilet had overflowed.

My dad being my dad complained to the management about the flooded toilets and we got both rooms on the house making a saving of $200.
(Fri 22nd Apr 2005, 12:20, More)

» PE Lessons

BJ
I went to an all boys school where we used to have a games master who taught hockey and weirdly also orienteering. His name was Brian Johnson, so we all called him BJ. He was always a bit strange. I assume he's now left the school as last year he popped up in the Metro. On a mountain. Naked. www.naked-living.com/images/N289-Glen_Ogle_600_.JPG
(Tue 24th Nov 2009, 1:23, More)

» Beautiful but Bonkers

Knife wielding crazy girlfriend
When I was 18, I was going out with a girl who was lovely, but a bit unstable. We were both out in town seperatley one night but due to be both staying at my parents, I got so hammered I ended up at some other girls house. Next morning she was pissed off when I returnedand stormed out of my room and out the house.

I few days later I took my SNES round a mates house to play some bomberman. However the games didn't work. I only put 2 and 2 together a few days later when I looked through my uni diving photos. Every picture of me had my face cut out! Checking the SNES games again, it turned out she'd run a scalpel down them in a mad rage in my bedroom after going though the photos. She'd obviously decided to hit me where it hurt. Luckily she had no knowledge of SNES games so Killer Instinct caught the worst of it while Mario Kart came off relatively unscathed and still worked.

My sister is still good freinds with her.
(Thu 23rd Nov 2006, 15:43, More)