» My Wanking Disasters

aye, i was.
After a particluarly feisty episode of stargate SG1 i was cracking one off in my room, eyes firmly shut, forearm accelerating, when in bursts my mother.

Now, i was completely reefed, but in my spinning fog of humiliation, i thought i might be able to salvage the situation. I decided that she couldn't be 100% sure of what she had interrupted, and would probably be in some sort ot maternal denial, and that i could exploit her doubt. I strolled down to the kitchen, where she was attending to her duties, twitching like an excited spa. I sat down at the table and proceded to tap my foot and jig my leg wildly in an attempt to sew the seeds of doubt:"maybe he was nervously tapping his foot all along".
After about three minutes of this, she looked up from her darning, stared me square in the eye and spat "go back up to your... room"

My mistake was instead of leaving the imprint of the scene in the compartment of my mothers psyche labelled "boy becomes man" it is now dually filed under "Son is a wanker" and "foot tapping" permanently.
(Tue 1st Jun 2004, 17:48, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

old fart.
this old grave-dodger in work once thought i was talking about paedophiles when i was in fact refering to a PDF file.


He nearly shat himself when i said i was going to burn a CD. Silly cunt!
(Fri 11th Jun 2004, 11:16, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

Little fucker
This always makes me giggle. The world famous solo artist and former Genisis member Phil Collins dumped his wife of ten years with a fax sent minutes before he went on stage. The message was " i want a divorce. you're slowley making me hate you."
Classic, i'd almost forgive him for the years he slowly made me hate music.
(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 16:30, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

I just called, to say...
"My phoned beeped to tell me I had a voice message. I dialled 171 to pick it
up and the message left was from darragh. He'd ask me to return a call about
an arrangement for the night and then the voice fell quite. I'd assumed the
message had finished and was about to put down the phone when I heard a
clunk and something like keys been typed on a keyboard. I knew then that
Darragh had meant to hang up but hadn't and was about to get up to some
other business. I stayed listening on the phone to see what he was up to but
i was in no way expecting to hear what was to follow. When the keys fell
quite there was a sound, a real wet squelch, and then:

- OH YEAH YOU LIKE THAT
- THATS RIGHT....YOU BITCH

Needless to say Darragh was pulling the stomach of himself.I think everyone
I knew heard the message, and Darragh spent a while trying to live it down.
It's only a pity I couldn't save it."

From sullbean.

EDIT; There are so many darraghs in the world, lets narrow it down. Field.
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 17:31, More)

» Pure Ignorance

jokers!!
on a recent trip to barcelona (the crusty capital of the world)i over heard a few english slags out in a shop queing to pay for some clothes. at the counter there were decks of cards for sale, which one of them picked up.
"shall i buy a pack of cards for playing back in hotel" she barked to her friend before pausing and studying the packet " ooh, i wonder if they're in English"!!!
Moronic!
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 15:57, More)