» Fancy Dress

My friend's Dad...
...once went to a costume party dressed as a used tampon.

He wore a white sheet (with red paint tipped over it) on his head and had a rope coming out from between his legs.



Glad he's not my dad....
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 15:54, More)

» Will you go out with me?

I was sitting in a bakery...
...in a rather questionable part of town, eating a pie and reading the newspaper when a homeless man smelling of piss comes in and approached my table...

"Why 'ello love, would you marry me for a million dollars?"
"Do you have a million dollars...?"
"..*mumble mumble*..."

He starts to walk away, but then pauses before turning around to face me again:

"You haven't got a spare $2, have you?"
(Sat 30th Aug 2008, 4:19, More)

» Birthdays

For my 16th Birthday
My parents gave me half a birthday cake.

They'd bought it from some bakery but were too cheap to buy the whole cake so they only bought a half!


I didn't even get to cut my own cake :(
(Tue 13th Dec 2005, 22:29, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

This one may have been said before...
A guy is screwing a girl, and everything is going fine until the girl cries out "Stop! Stop! It hurts too much!"

The guy sighs and goes and gets some Vaseline, and then they carry on...five minutes later she again cries out "Stop! The pain is horrible!"

So they guy, a bit perturbed, gets off her and goes and gets some lube. They begin again. The guy is just getting into it when the girl AGAIN cries for him to stop "Please stop! The pain is EXCRUCIATING!”

And the guy replies: “Wow, that’s a big word for a five year old!”
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 6:46, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Coming out of the cubicle at school
I caught two girls a bit younger than me talking about freckles:

"Well I heard somewhere that if you scrub your face REALLY HARD you can scrub your freckles off, so last night I got out this face cloth and started to rub my cheeks..."



I didn't stay much longer.
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 9:17, More)