b3ta.com user celestie
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» Airport Stories

Brad Pitt anyone?
My sister and I were on a flight to San Francisco and I was writing a letter to my friend. I began describing the people on the plane, starting with the nun, then moving on to the lady with pants so tight that her legs sprung apart when she tried to cross them, and then ending at the guy sitting next to my sister.
I looked at his arms first because they were really really big... I was very impressed. Then I looked at the magazine he was reading, which happened to be Vogue. Then I looked at his hair and his sunglasses and found that they looked very familiar...but I didn't know why. We talked to him a little and almost spilled our drinks on him. Once we were off the plane a saw a magazine and realized who I sat next to. It was none other than Brad Pitt!
I was very embarrassed that I hadn't recognized him, but I think that was a welcome relief to him.
(Thu 9th Mar 2006, 17:06, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

not so sick, but lewd...
A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
(Thu 16th Feb 2006, 5:34, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

A guy is in Japan for work, and after a long day, he goes to a club and gets a Japanese girl to come home with him. While they're fucking, she screams something in Japanese and he thinks she is saying "harder harder," so he fucks harder, and she screams it again. The next day he goes golfing and his Japanese friend shouts the same thing as the girl last night. He looks again at where he has hit the ball, and sees it is in the wrong hole.
heard it when i was a little kid... aghh maybe that's why i'm so disturbed
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 2:26, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

I scare teachers....
Beginning in elementary school my teachers have been leaving/retiring/dying after my classmates and I have been taught by them.

1st, 2nd and 3rd grade two of the three teachers moved away.

Then in 4th grade, one moved, one retired and the other suddenly died... I felt quite bad about that because as a 11 year old I thought it might have been my fault.

5th grade was as usual, 2 out of 3 teachers leaving,

6th grade I had a very scary teacher... he would leave class in the middle of his lectures and go smoke and one day he got locked out so he just stayed out there and smoked. Other days he would bring 2 or 3 bottles of cough syrup to school and get drunk off of them. He fell asleep regularly in class. Another day in that class my friend and I thought it would be fun to make something explode. so we filled this hard plastic container with citric acid powder and baking soda and added watter and then shook it up, but it exploded with such force that it made us both deaf for the day and all the other teachers came running to see who shot a gun. Our teacher though just said "whoa that was cool" and made some other kids clean it up... he then got fired.

in 7th-10th grade a total of about 17 teachers left and one had a stroke while at school and 4 teachers never came back atfer their fisrt year because of nervous breakdowns.

I don't think we were that mean to our teachers...

another strange theme that i've seen with my past teachers is the high rate of pregnancy... every year one of my teachers have gotten pregnant...
(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 2:03, More)

» Little things that turn you on

mm this color
turns me on so much

also any type of green color turns me on

i like scars too...

mmm and sitting on my clothes dryer!!!
I LOVE its warmth and its motion... ahhhh

certain smells definitely turn me on too...
like rain...
and how boys smell

i also used to fantasize about my kitty... and how good sex would be with him if he was a man

daggers turn me on too... mmmm

and CURRY!!! curry turns me on SOOO much
i was eating at my indian friend's house and i started making orgasm noises because the food was soooo good... maybe that's why i haven't been invited back
(Sat 19th Feb 2005, 4:37, More)
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