Profile for jo-jo the majic clown:
none
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 19 years, 9 months and 28 days
- has posted 2 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 4 messages on the links board
- (including 1 links)
- has posted 5 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 1 pictures, 18 links, 0 talk posts, and 0 qotw answers.
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
none
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Missing body parts
Womb with a view
10 years ago I had to get neutered for medical reasons and being 24, I asked that my girly bits be returned to me so I could give them a decent atheist burial. After a considerable hospital stay, major surgery and some top class drugs, I was discharged home. 3 weeks later I rang the hospital and asked where my ex-organs were. Long story short: 6 weeks later I finally tracked down the charge nurse on the gyny ward and she told me to come in and pick up a package that was stored in the ward fridge. I trekked over, got the brown paper bag with a heavy container handed to me and headed back home on the bus.
At 2am I decided to take a peak (as you do) and I shit you not, the container was filled with mashed spud and mixed veg!
I like to think that some poor old dear was served an interesting snack that night and a couple of nurses got well fired. Never did find out where they went.....
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 10:49, More)
Womb with a view
10 years ago I had to get neutered for medical reasons and being 24, I asked that my girly bits be returned to me so I could give them a decent atheist burial. After a considerable hospital stay, major surgery and some top class drugs, I was discharged home. 3 weeks later I rang the hospital and asked where my ex-organs were. Long story short: 6 weeks later I finally tracked down the charge nurse on the gyny ward and she told me to come in and pick up a package that was stored in the ward fridge. I trekked over, got the brown paper bag with a heavy container handed to me and headed back home on the bus.
At 2am I decided to take a peak (as you do) and I shit you not, the container was filled with mashed spud and mixed veg!
I like to think that some poor old dear was served an interesting snack that night and a couple of nurses got well fired. Never did find out where they went.....
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 10:49, More)
» Accidental animal cruelty
2 story cat fall
My cat called Mad Madeline has a passion for human food. Given the opportunity, she will scarf anything.
We were living in an attic room with a sprial staircase when she was about 3. I had just finished a packet of potato chips and I carelessly threw the empty packet on the floor.
Watching the telly I heard a rustling sound and turned around to see Maddy with her head firmly stuck in the chips packet. She then proceeded to walk backwards around the room. The problem was she ran backwards towards the spiral staircase and before I could get to her, she fell down the stairs!
I rushed over and looked downstairs fearing that she was dead only to see her (with the bag still firmly fixed to her head) walking bakwards towards the basement stairs.
She then tumbled another story down. I was seeing a massive vet bill in the near future as I ran down the 2 flights to pick up the body of my beloved cat.
When I got to her she was washing her butt and acting like she meant to do it.
Unintentional but extremely funny to watch
(Tue 11th Dec 2007, 9:27, More)
2 story cat fall
My cat called Mad Madeline has a passion for human food. Given the opportunity, she will scarf anything.
We were living in an attic room with a sprial staircase when she was about 3. I had just finished a packet of potato chips and I carelessly threw the empty packet on the floor.
Watching the telly I heard a rustling sound and turned around to see Maddy with her head firmly stuck in the chips packet. She then proceeded to walk backwards around the room. The problem was she ran backwards towards the spiral staircase and before I could get to her, she fell down the stairs!
I rushed over and looked downstairs fearing that she was dead only to see her (with the bag still firmly fixed to her head) walking bakwards towards the basement stairs.
She then tumbled another story down. I was seeing a massive vet bill in the near future as I ran down the 2 flights to pick up the body of my beloved cat.
When I got to her she was washing her butt and acting like she meant to do it.
Unintentional but extremely funny to watch
(Tue 11th Dec 2007, 9:27, More)
» Karma
Roid Rage
As most humans know if you don't shit then you die. With this maxim firmly wedged in my brain, I am dealing with a fuckery horrible shoulder injury with very nice doctor drugs.
Unfourtunately in my haste to make waste I pushed a wee tad too far so.....I am the proud new mum of a bum grape.
Who do you tell when you are sitting on the loo, unable to move due to a giggling fit?
(Fri 22nd Feb 2008, 20:22, More)
Roid Rage
As most humans know if you don't shit then you die. With this maxim firmly wedged in my brain, I am dealing with a fuckery horrible shoulder injury with very nice doctor drugs.
Unfourtunately in my haste to make waste I pushed a wee tad too far so.....I am the proud new mum of a bum grape.
Who do you tell when you are sitting on the loo, unable to move due to a giggling fit?
(Fri 22nd Feb 2008, 20:22, More)
» Sacked
Never work with children, animals or stoned friends...
I agreed to take a job in a small resort town in the South Island of NZ after a school friend decided to move from France with her English husband. I uprooted my whole life in just 10 days and moved my 31 year old self from the big smoke to a place with 1234 permanent residents (we all worked at least 4 jobs to get everything done). Reader Digest condensed version of the story later...I had been working 70 hour weeks, split-shift fucked up rosters and a large ginger woman 'accidentally' broke my right arm in the middle of a perfectly ordinary lunch service. As I was duty manager, supervisor, waitress, bartender, guidance counsellor etc etc I carried on working until my 2 young staff members were picked up by their parents.
When I rang my best friend (the owner of the bar and my boss) to explain that she needed to cover the evening shift while I had my arm put in plaster, she informed me that she was seperating from her husband, shagging the lawn-mower guy, I was an unreliable employee and should stop making shit up.
We don't have quite so many tea parties and chats any more (stupid, stoned, greedy and ultimately bankrupted single bitch!#@@#!)
I'm not bitter. Really.
(Wed 1st Mar 2006, 21:51, More)
Never work with children, animals or stoned friends...
I agreed to take a job in a small resort town in the South Island of NZ after a school friend decided to move from France with her English husband. I uprooted my whole life in just 10 days and moved my 31 year old self from the big smoke to a place with 1234 permanent residents (we all worked at least 4 jobs to get everything done). Reader Digest condensed version of the story later...I had been working 70 hour weeks, split-shift fucked up rosters and a large ginger woman 'accidentally' broke my right arm in the middle of a perfectly ordinary lunch service. As I was duty manager, supervisor, waitress, bartender, guidance counsellor etc etc I carried on working until my 2 young staff members were picked up by their parents.
When I rang my best friend (the owner of the bar and my boss) to explain that she needed to cover the evening shift while I had my arm put in plaster, she informed me that she was seperating from her husband, shagging the lawn-mower guy, I was an unreliable employee and should stop making shit up.
We don't have quite so many tea parties and chats any more (stupid, stoned, greedy and ultimately bankrupted single bitch!#@@#!)
I'm not bitter. Really.
(Wed 1st Mar 2006, 21:51, More)
» World's Sickest Joke
Being A Spazz
I am an epileptic and my purple pills don't always control my chihuahua shakes...recently I was in bed with my lovely, shagable girlfriend and my shoulder (which is fucked) popped out of it's socket. Luckily, my doctor had prescribed me morphine elixir (bisexual viagra :-)) As she reached over to pour some for me, I accidentally kicked her arse. Her response was instinctive and utterly true..."..what the!?..you spazz!".
She's still apologizing...i love being me
(Mon 13th Feb 2006, 11:19, More)
Being A Spazz
I am an epileptic and my purple pills don't always control my chihuahua shakes...recently I was in bed with my lovely, shagable girlfriend and my shoulder (which is fucked) popped out of it's socket. Luckily, my doctor had prescribed me morphine elixir (bisexual viagra :-)) As she reached over to pour some for me, I accidentally kicked her arse. Her response was instinctive and utterly true..."..what the!?..you spazz!".
She's still apologizing...i love being me
(Mon 13th Feb 2006, 11:19, More)