» World's Sickest Joke

How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him in the face with an axe......


I hate clowns.
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 18:56, More)

» Heckles

Shit Radio Heckle
Walking around on a thursday morning (i think) at Glasto '05, not altogether with it since i've been up doing the usual hedonistic glastonbury stuff for too long. I come across a throng of people, walking alongside a lanky haired dude and a fat bastard with a microphone. After about a minute of them walking my way i deduce (rather brilliantly) that this is chris moyles and he is interviewing this man live on radio.

Its on now.

My brain is firing on all fucking cylinders, usually im quite quick witted but the festivals taking its toll and before i know it i've been pushed off the gangway by moyles and his crowd and am now royally pissed off.

What do i come out with?

"Moyles....shows....wank.....fat bastard"

Please tell me someone was listening and heard that, or at least the "cheers mate" retort. I've never been on radio before.

I was so disappointed in myself that i stood there looking despondent for the next 10 minutes.
(Tue 11th Apr 2006, 14:58, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Another one, why not.
I suppose this is the best phonecall i've ever overheard. During the summer my mate Andys parents were away and since they own a shed making business, he was in charge of business phonecalls which were directed to his mobile.

One day, we were sitting getting stoned in another mates kitchen when the phone rings. Andy handles the beginning of the phonecall quite well, however, when he's asked if his parents are there he simply replies "no, sorry, they're on fire".

It wouldnt have been so bad if he hadn't made this mistake a further three times during the phonecall.
(Sat 17th Dec 2005, 11:37, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Where else but glastonbury?
I live in Somerset, quite near to the site of glastonbury festival so my friends and i always show up 3 days early and get the drugs in before we have to go and see the bands. This year we decided to spend our thursday night (the last "warmup" night) getting our smoke on at the stone circle (as you do).

I am by no means heavy on the drugs, but I decided to have my first go on the shrooms that night, an awesome idea. They were a bit shit really and their main affect was to make it possible to smoke copious amounts of weed without even realising it. This resulted in the usual shit, me confusing the obligatory festival flare with a spliff and trying to smoke the flare instead, becoming too emotionally attached to inanimate objects like other peoples phones, laughing at stuff for longer than you should and shouting "ARE YOU FROM Q MAGAZINE?" at a random photographer (he wasn't from Q, but i scared him real good).

The highlight of the evening came from my over the top emotional attachments, when my flare went out I shouted "DON'T DIE LITTLE BROTHER!" at it, before bursting into tears.

To this day, my friends insist on telling this story to any girl who shows the slightest bit of interest in me. Bastards.
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 18:33, More)

» I just don't get it

Dogfood
What is up with that? Its foul!

Then again they do like to eat poo
(Thu 31st Mar 2005, 13:43, More)