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» Stalked

I once...
Had a friend called Chris Kerr, we used to get on really well, I'd stay over his at weekends, we'd go out and play football, make bases, all the kinds of things you do when you're a kid.

His mum was always grateful that I was his friend, as he had a genetic disease which made him abnormally tall, although I never was his friend because of charity, he was a good bloke.

Fast forward 8 years to when we were both 18, we were running to his house from the local park to meet up with some other friend we'd acquired over the years, he tripped over a kerb stone and fell into the path of an oncoming car, he was promptly taken to hospital and was in a coma for 3 weeks, I stayed with him a few nights, talked to him, did everything I could to try and make my dear friend wake up. but we finally realised he wouldn't pull through so his parents decided to let him rest in peace. My best friends life ended by turning off a machine.

The funeral arrangements were made, however, we had a problem, due to his genetic condition we couldn't fit him in a standard sized coffin. During the years I had decided I would like to be a carpenter, so the parents turned to me to fashion him a coffin.

I was flattered and set about work straight away, thinking of the best tribute I could pay to my compadre.

Yes, it was me who was to decide how best to store Kerr.
(Thu 31st Jan 2008, 17:37, More)

» Personal Ads

You love the length
Ok, I'll bite

About 3 years ago, I'd just split up from a girl that I'd been seeing for the last 5 years

Ended up going on one of the more well known websites for a laugh, and got chatting to this girl... Spoke to her on MSN a couple of times and she wanted to meet almost immediately, which sort of set the alarm bells off.

Couple of my mates persuaded me to ask her over to the house, it was a big house with loads of mates so the chances of being dry bummed to death and then burnt in the bathtub were low.

Met up with her and brought her back to the house, had some extremely uncomfortable conversation and then headed off to the local

Ended up that she know everyone in there, so I was sat on my arse on my own for 3 hours while she chatted to everyone else... We got in slightly pissed, and then bizarrely started to watch bad boys 2 with a mate on his PC...

We got chatting quite a bit, decided I thought she was alright, when I noticed shitloads of scars on her arm, she then proceeded to tell me about the cocktail of drugs she was on, her dodgy mates and all sorts of shit she'd been up to...

At this point I decided to abandon all hope and just hope she left without drama, we had a party the next day and my ex missus would be there, so I wouldn't be too happy if she turned up.

She turned up.

Forced me to let her in as she had twatted the hell out of her ex boyfriends mum in the middle of the street and the police were looking for her... Racked up a huge bill on our phone, and then fell asleep for the night on the sofa and was gone by the time we woke up in the morning

Never spoke to her again after that.

Pretty crap story, but it's true, and at least I didn't get bummed.
(Tue 18th Sep 2007, 1:11, More)

» Best Films Ever

The only film that's truly touched me...
...Is the film 'Crash'

Absolutely fantastic.

Gash QOTW by the way.
(Sat 19th Jul 2008, 23:00, More)

» Cheap Tat

Went paintballing with work...
And went to the local "WYNSORS WORLD OF SHOES" for a sturdy pair of cheap boots.

You'd think that being a whole WORLD of shoes they'd be specialists in that subject... Just like surgeons are specialists at cutting GIGANTIC CYSTS OUT OF PEOPLE... The woman looked at me blankly when I asked her if they stocked boots...

Ended up finding them myself, it wasn't difficult, I just looked at all the products until one that looked vaguely the shape of a boot appeared... Bought... £15, nice.

Got up at the crack of dawn in the morning, got dressed, put boots on, did laces up... *Ping!* one of the damn eyelets comes straight off.

Didn't have the heart to take it back, that would just be giving them one more notch on the bedpost of innocent shoe purchaser bummery.
(Mon 7th Jan 2008, 23:58, More)

» Expensive Mistakes

After 36 months of riding shitty motorcycles... (2 years on a CG125, and a year on a knackered GS500) I thought I'd splash a bit of cash and treat myself to something nice...

Spent ages reading reviews on the internet, talking to dealerships, sitting on a few mates bikes, when I decided on the model I wanted then took 4 weeks to trawl through adverts for the model I wanted in the best condition, and found a mint one in Maidstone for 3 grand...

I phone the guy, and he seemed genuine, HPI came up clear, so I decided I'd make the merry trip from Liverpool to pick the bike up (300 miles)
Got up at 5am to get the bus to London, and then Maidstone, picking the bike up went without a hitch, the bloke was really nice and rode the bike back 300 miles the same day...

Next week, decided to tighten the chain, forgot to wipe sand off boot, foot slipped off centrestand as I was pushing it upright, which basically meant I threw a 260KG bike against a wall.

£900 to return to it's previous condition, and I wasted god knows how many hours of my time, and refused about 3 other bikes because I was 'looking for something mint'

The most embarassing part of all was, as it fell and scraped down the wall, I couldnt get on the saddle side of it to pick it up, so I managed to put my back out straining to pick it up, and took 45 minutes with the bike lying on its side in order to summon up the courage to ask the builders next door to give me a hand :(

Not for the sqeamish:

(Mon 29th Oct 2007, 0:34, More)
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