b3ta.com user Nick_Toznost
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» Stupid Tourists

Germans demand tea.
I went round to a mate's house recently and we were startled to find a German family sitting on his garden furniture asking for tea. The door had been left on the catch and I guess they just assumed it was a cafe.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 16:12, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Not that sick George Bush joke
George Bush dies and is sent to hell.

Satan explains to George Bush that hell is overcrowded and that he needs to evict someone else to make room.

"i'll give you a choice" says Satan, and George is shown 3 rooms.

In the first room is J.F.K. being stretched on a rack.
"If you choose this room" says Satan, "you will be tortured on the rack forever.

"Don't fancy that" says George, and he is shown the second room.
Behind the next door is Richard Nixon who is being savaged by rabid baboons.
"If you choose this room" says Satan, "you will be mutilated by rabid baboons forever"

"that doesn't appeal either" says George and Satan opens the final door.

George Bush jumps for joy as he sees Bill Clinton being blown off by Monica Lewinsky----forever.
"I'll take this one!" says George "this one!"
Satan shrugs and says

"OK Monica, you can go...."
(Thu 8th Dec 2005, 13:47, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

I spent a long time trying to explain to my ex mother in-law that
the moon didn't generate light of its own and her repeated use of the phrase "it's all pigs and troughs" didn't quite make sense, (this is rural Kent)

However, the worst case of terrible ignorance I've ever come across occurred in the late 80s. Although I was at primary school at the time, we had already learned about the oppressive apartheid regime in South Africa and I like to think I was aware of it, albeit a tad naively at the time. I overheard this in a supermarket fruit & veg aisle... two middle aged women...

Woman 1: "ere, you don't wanna go buying that South African fruit!"

(I assumed, for a millisecond that this was a conscientious attempt to support the ANC in boycotting South African exports, as most of the UK was at the time)

Woman 2: "yeah, you're right, think of those horrible black hands all over them"

She put down the grapefruit she was holding and continued shopping...

Clearly they both assumed that the UK was sanctioning and boycotting South African imports and exports because we were just as racist, if not more so.

I haven't posted for ages and I hope this is acceptable as a qotw reply, I'm simply quoting something I heard which still makes my jaw drop in abhorrence to this day.
(Thu 25th Mar 2010, 5:28, More)

» Injured Siblings

Only child
I took my potential sibling rivalry on ants when I was a child. Having no siblings resulted in me torturing insects. I'm so ashamed. They're such a respectable invertebrate society. I expect their revenge at any moment. AAAAARRRGH.
(Sun 21st Aug 2005, 0:38, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Always gets alaugh down the pub for some reason
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Michael Jackson sodomizes small boys.
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 14:04, More)
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