b3ta.com user Eli-T
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Best answers to questions:

» The Police

Driving to Glastonbury
Police pull the car (a complete shed) over, approach the right hand side and get my mate to pull his window down.

"Sir, I belive you are under the influence of alcohol"


"In that case, I shall have to arrest you for drink driving"

"That won't be necessary" (you'll have to imagine the slurring - I can't spell it)

"In fact, I think you're completely intoxicated, and may also be under the influence of drugs"

"Yes, I'm afraid I am"

"Please step out of the vehicle sir, you are under arrest for driving under the influence"


"No? Why not?"

"Because this car's left hand drive......"

Cue red faced copper, letting us go on our merry way.

(the actual exchange between the two of them went on for far longer but you get the gist).
(Thu 22nd Sep 2005, 17:37, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Someone (I know not who) has used the guest account on my computer to search for "Genital Warts".

Now I think about it, I don't really want to know who it was.
(Fri 10th Feb 2006, 17:16, More)

» The passive-aggressive guilt trip

Should be in a bucket
My mum told me that after my (elder) brother was born, she was told not to have any kids because there was a high probability that she might die. But when she was pregnant with me she'd rather take the risk then have an abortion.

Don't get me wrong - I'm thankful she did.

But it's a hell of a guilt trip to lay on a 12 year old...
(Wed 19th Oct 2005, 18:01, More)

» Teenage Poetry

My Poem - made someone cry anyway
You walk around with a face like death
And kill everyone with monster breath
I'm sorry but I don't know why
You just don't fuck off and die
(Thu 11th Aug 2005, 15:09, More)

» Singing the wrong words

To the tune of Angels, by Robbie Williams
And through it all, it offers me protection
From a lot of runtime exceptions,
Whether that's right or wrong
And with your function calls, you can overload them
When you come to code them,
To get the internet - just use your modem.....

Worryingly popular song from Uni
(Wed 2nd Feb 2005, 21:41, More)
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