» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

true story
i was on the british side in WW2, i killed like 10 germans in a row once, then they started shouting at me "OMG SPRAYING NOOB!" and stuff like "AIMBOT H4XoR!!1", then i got kicked from the server and i was like "WTF!?11oneoen"
(Fri 24th Mar 2006, 11:31, More)

» The Onosecond

the worst thing ever.....
me and my mates always do 'mum' jokes. we always randomly blurt out 'your mum!' or finish someones stuttering sentence with 'your mum?'

well one day out in manchester, we went a club (21's) and after we were all wasted getting a taxi back to Glossop, when all the lads started telling the taxi driver how they were getting a taxi to fuck my mum. asian taxi driver was bemused by all of this. I assured him it was ok and that "everyone's welcome to fuck my mother!", greeted with lots of cheering from my drunken mates.

imagine my embarrassment the next day when i get a phone call from my dad, to say last night my phone had redialled home from my pocket and left a huge voicemail on the answer machine and how my mum was in tears. My parents are very religious.

fuck

edit: had a letter from my mum today... 'Richard I haven't seen you in 2 years, please come and visit the family soon...". doh.
(Fri 27th May 2005, 17:06, More)

» Shame

oh dear god... the worst ever
in my first year at uni i was enjoying all teh sex which goes on, and was getting more than my fair share. but there was this girl i really fancied, and one night, i was shocked when she came into my room, straddled me without saying a word and we got down to it pretty quick.

now this girl had the best body ever, best ass, tanned, perky tits... she was beautiful. i was doing her doggy style and imagining all my uni mates cheering me on for shagging this stunner... so in my head i'm hearing them saying "hip hip! horrrayyyy!" over and over.... weird i know.. but then the worst bit... i suddenly blurted out in full voice whilst stuffing her love oven "AND ONE FOR GOOD LUCK!"...

I was so embarrassed, she gave me the strangest look like "what the fuck?" that i will never be able to forget. :(
(Sun 27th Nov 2005, 16:00, More)

» When I met the parents

problems meeting her spanish mother....
I recently hooked up with a nice spanish girl from Kirkstall Brewery Student Halls in Leeds, and things have gone really well. Except for today when her mother flew over from Madrid. I'm kind of shy when it comes to meeting new people, but her mum was really nice and her english was ok so we got on well. So we were all having a nice meal cooked by her mother, and then at the end of the meal i tried to impress the mother with my l33t spanish skills...i tried to say "i loved the chicken, but somehow i managed to say "i loved the dick"... apparantly dick and chicken sound the same :*(

What makes it worse is her mum is a strict catholic and was obviously really pissed off with me for saying that, and whats worse is my girlfriend went bright red and didn't try and lighten the situation or even explain to me what the fuck i'd done. bitch.

edit: so... pollas ='dick'(po-ya) and pollo (po-yo)='chicken'. Thanks to B3th for that info =D
(Fri 20th May 2005, 0:53, More)

» When I met the parents

not me but my dad when he was younger....
my mum's english and my dad is from scotland but before my dad was going round to see my mums parents for the first time, he gave my mum a call to organise when he should come round etc but she was living with her parents

Dad: (scottish accent)"Hi can i speak to liz please?"
My grandad (vaguely racist): "I'm sorry i think you have the wrong number"
Dad: "I'm sure this is the right one.. can i speak to liz please?"
Grandad "hold on"
Grandad then shouts to the rest of the family: "There's some pakistani guy on the phone asking for Lez!"

My Dad was so embarrassed when he went round that evening and we always laugh about it when we get together at christmas....
(Thu 19th May 2005, 17:06, More)