b3ta.com user dukefukem
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» Injured Siblings

during the eighties and the height of big hair my sister decided to have the biggest hair of all. She would top of the barnet pudding with half a can of silvrikin hair spray. Add one naked flame and you get the picture. Imagine my delight in seeing her running round the front room with a bonfire on her head and her boyfriend smacking her with a copy of smash hits to try and put the fireball out. She battered me for it, but I have no regrets.
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 13:00, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

blockbuster boobfest
Me and my brother in law standing second in the queue at blockbuster two days ago. I happened to notice that directly above the lady in front of us was a huge angled mirror. Ideal for looking down her gigantic cleavage. After a quick perv I let my bruv in law in on the action. As he was in mid gawp I alerted the amply norked woman to his disgraceful antics. She looked at him like a piece of shit and then she proceeded to rent scary movie 4. Needless to say, it was me and not her that had the last laugh, because that is one shit film.
(Tue 22nd Aug 2006, 21:22, More)

» Weird Traditions

animal noises
I like to impress my kids with a stunning array of wrong animal noises. Nothing makes a five year old laugh as much as when I point at a cow and say "look a sheep"..."oink, oink". Can't help myself. Its traditional.
(Thu 28th Jul 2005, 12:25, More)

» I just don't get it

People, usually chav teenage girls whos conversation sounds like this:
"Then I turned around and said.."
"And then 'tasha turned round and was like you know"

It gives me visions of people just spinning round like lunatics.
Does me 'ead in.
(Thu 31st Mar 2005, 13:14, More)

» Singing the wrong words

lords prayer
...give us this day our daily bread, and don't forget the chocolate spread.
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 11:12, More)
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