b3ta.com user highlordzarj
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» When I met the parents

Not so much the parents...
...but my wife had a 4 year old son when I started seeing her. The first night I stayed over I got out of the shower to be greeted by a squeaky voice saying "you've got a big willy".

First (and last) time anybody has said that, shame it is only big in comparison to a 4 year olds!
(Wed 25th May 2005, 11:05, More)

» People with Stupid Names

My dad once had to go to an interview where the prospective boss was called John Pretty.

He introduced himself "Hello I'm Pretty".
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 14:44, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Coleslaw / potato salad
Anything that looks like somebody has already eaten it, found it disgusting and then puked it up back into the packet and resealed it sure ain't entering my mouth.

To be fair I have never tried it at all but it looks like puke dammit.

On the other hand I ordered this thing at an Indian that turned up looking exactly like a dog turd on a lettuce leaf, can't remember what it was but it tasted good.

Maybe that means I am prepared to eat some bodily excretions but not others? I do have to eat metaphorical shit all day at work....
(Tue 13th Jul 2004, 14:38, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

More genital trauma
When I was at school, I used to ride my pushbike (a Raleigh Pursuit racer since you ask) everywhere at high speed, I even got stopped for speeding by the Police once.

Anyway, there I was riding along like normal when the front wheel found a drain which had just be serviced but the twunt workman who had put it back with the grating going along the road rather than across it. Result bike stops, I carry on at 20 miles an hour, now the steering bit of a racer looks a bit like the number 7 with a large metal pointy bit pointing straight back at your bollocks. My bollocks cushioned the impact and saved me from hitting the road but I think I would have prefered gravel rash over 90% of my body than that.

My friend crashed his motorbike head-on with a car (both going fairly slowly by the time they hit) and he dented the metal fuel tank with his bollocks, said they were impressively swollen for a couple of weeks but I didn't examine the evidence.
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 11:35, More)

» People with Stupid Names

Names wot I have seen
Whilst working for an international finance co.

Fanny Pong (Hong Kong)
Mr Dikshit (Indian)
Mr Fuk (Chinese, I had to phone him up and decided to pronounce it "fook")

I know a teacher who claimed he used to teach an Orsen Cart.

And who can forget the old Irish Foreign Minister Dick Spring (days before Viagra presumably!)
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 14:25, More)
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