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» Tightwads

Every week ...
My mother would send me around to the local butcher with threepence, so that I could ask for a bag of his finest chicken faces.
(Fri 24th Oct 2008, 21:16, More)

» Evil Pranks

Evil Pranks
Poor fellow at my high school that nobody liked proudly arrived one day in his Mini 1000.

By the end of the day, it was wedged lengthways between two parallel wings of the building. It took eight of us to place it there, but the results were well worth it.

The next week it appeared on a landing in one of the larger stairwells.

Can't recall whether he was smart enough to trade it for an Oldsmobile.
(Tue 18th Dec 2007, 18:06, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Drugs it's me, the not it's talking
In university we had a large common room where we projected 16mm movies every Thursday.

Two projectors. At a precise instant, you had to start the second projector, then start up the lamp while killing the lamp on the first, and stopping it, so as to achieve a smooth transition from one reel to the next,

Practice made perfect until week four when several of my friends showed up with the latest shipment from Detroit. We skinned efficiently while a reel finished. What could possibly go wrong?

Time for the transition. Turn on the second machine, light the lamp. Beauty! The machine starts, no problem.

Wait! There's something else I hafta do. Oh yeah - stop the first machine. Excellent! Wait - why is that girl's face starting to burn from the nose outward. Oh Christ - the fire is consuming her face, her body and everything around her! Oh no ... OH No ... OHHHHH NOOOOO!

Three stoners crying "Oh no!" from the projection booth while the audience turns and stares until the idiot projectionist (me) remembers to turn off the lamp on projector one. Oh well - a quick splice, and the film will be good as new. Hey Tom, roll another one.
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 21:19, More)

» Useless Information

"the UK is the only democracy to have a non-elected governing body (the house of lords)"

Nope! Canada also has a non-elected governing body - the Senate. It is populated by peckerheads and somnambulists that would never succeed in winning an election. So they don't have to.
(Thu 17th Mar 2005, 18:49, More)

» This book changed my life

Lord of the Rings - The Hobbit
I read about 40 pages or so, and thought, "What absolute crap!" Important, because it resulted in two good things.

1) The first book I ever actually put down, never to pick it up again. I've put down several since.

2) I picked up my guitar and did something better with my time.
(Fri 16th May 2008, 21:16, More)
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