» Petty Sabotage

Not so much sabotage as bringing someone down
In my less than chosey past I once pulled a guy at a work function (he worked for a temp supplier) took him back to mine and shagged (not truly worth the effort, but I had had a bit to drink and I hadn't donated to charity for ages) after he and finished and amused me with the classic 'did I rock your world baby' line I ushered him out and into a taxi (see I can be a thoughtful girl) and then returned to my pit and found he had left the most delightful yellow y fronts in my bed - a parting gift to be treasured I think not so I binned them. Around midday the following day I noticed I was getting sly grins and odd looks from around the office and upon investigation found out that he had infact kissed and told or should I say kissed and bigged it all up. I was suitably unimpressed and when I got home that night the y front's were unbinned and carefully parcelled up and sent to his office, made a quick call to the poor receptionist who had to open this parcel (but thought this was a jolly jape). So one fine morning this would be stud sauntered into the office to find everyone snickering at him and grinning got to his desk to find the grummy yellow y fronts parcel taped to his chair and everyone singing tie a yellow ribbon.. macho ego deflated to the actual size of his cock. I have since found out this clever lad was sacked for sending extreme porn to a client - my how I laughed

sorry this is a bit long and a lot crap isn't it *wanders off*
(Tue 10th May 2005, 4:40, More)

» When I met the parents

I should of run
Back when I was a wee punk I started seeing this lad who had gone to the same school as me (I was still going to school but he was working) I was invited around to his parents house for Friday night fish & chips, I bravely went along in my finest punkery and was greeted at the door by the biggest smelliest woman you could ever believe and ushered into the breakfast room (sounds a bit posh but believe me it was not) and given a seat between smelly woman and mental case younger sister and the fish & chips were plonked down in the middle of the table (no plates or cutlery mind) and everyone dove in I was delicately trying to eat this greasy mess when up popped the head of the mankiest old ginger cat from the other end of the table and he proceeded to help himself to a piece of fish kind of hard to ignore but I did my best whilst listening to smelly woman prattle on how her day had been and how sad it was that the budgie had died that morning I was uttering my 'oh how sad' comments she said look see here he is and lifted up the fish & chips paper and pulled out this dead budgie wrapped in a hanky cue complete loss of appetite so I just sat there trying to smile through the rest of the experience. At the end she said that she had some choc cake for afters and asked me to come and help her in the kitchen so I did because my parents had brought me up to be polite, where she pulled out a bread board covered in ants (dead & alive ones) and gave it a cursory wipe and then slapped the cake on top of it and started to cut it into pieces by this time I had even less of an appetite and made mumbled excuses and called my Dad to come and rescue me.
(Fri 20th May 2005, 5:14, More)

» Shoddy Presents

Mad would be mother-in-law
bought me a wedding dress much to the extreme horror of my boyfriend & myself we weren't actually engaged and were in the throws of a dying relationship - this actually did help end it so perhaps I really should thank her.
(Sun 26th Sep 2004, 22:48, More)

» When I met the parents

Lucky me
I met another ex's mum one sunny saturday morning he had buggared off to work and left me asleep in his bed when there was a knock knock knocking at the front door so I pulled on a t-shirt (one of his not mine so it completely covered me to the knees as I am vertically challenged) and went down to see who it was, opened the door to his mother with all her belongings as she had left her bf and had heard that her son had a spare room going so decided she should move in with him, couldn't really refuse her entry could I even tho he told me later that I should of :o( I knew it was doomed when she bought me a wedding dress and we weren't even engaged.
(Mon 23rd May 2005, 4:14, More)

» Out of my depth

Everyday
I play with other peoples money and I am seriously out of my depth - yes I know its not funny but am too scared to say much else incase I incur the rath of cubber
(Fri 22nd Oct 2004, 2:02, More)