b3ta.com user chives
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» Obscure Memorabilia

little ben
A friend of mine, errr John, half-inched Big Ben from Fred's weather map in Liverpool's Albert Dock and installed it in his front room.

During a later (unrelated) home visit from the local constabulary, one of the officers chuckled at it remarking it looked like something you might find on Fred's weather map.

Unless of course thieves had taken it first.

Light-hearted relief from the serious business of being arrested for drug-trafficking....
(Thu 4th Nov 2004, 13:27, More)

» Pure Ignorance

ask any copper
they're full of them

one of my perennial favourites:

"is this your car sir?"
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 13:15, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

not me (obviously) but.....
sat at some red traffic lights one day bouncing to the timeless rotterdam termination source ditty "poing" - you know the one "poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing poing" anyway after a timely pause where the hallucinogens had permeated the remaining brain cell, the poings kicked in and my mate floored it. straight through a red light and into the side of a plodmobile. would have been funny if he hadn't lost his licence.

for crimes against music presumably....
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 16:06, More)

» Near Death Experiences

london attracts its fair share of homicidal taxi / bus / van drivers intent on venting their spleen directly through the spleen of any passing cyclist but nothing prepared me for the lovesick splitter who ambled onto a roundabout at about 30mph trapping my cycle and launching me some 10 yards. without the aid of a safety net i managed to decelerate using only my head and arse as brakes. with limbs akimbo i came to surrounded by morbid curios taking odds on my deadness when all i could muster was "this'd be at least 30 points in twister"
(Fri 26th Nov 2004, 12:27, More)

» Road Rage

good advice
if pursued by a road rage nonce, simply get onto and stay on a roundabout and call the police. neither they nor any other traffic can impede you until the police turn up.

worked a treat for me ;)
(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 13:30, More)
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