» Jobsworths

10 items or less you twunt
Perhaps working on express checkouts has made me a hardened soul who now prays for firey death on cunts who can't read the '10 or less please' sign. My problem is the arses who come up with 20 or so and try to act cheeky by saying 'oh well love, this three are the same so they count as one'.

I take great joy in tilling these items then asking for the money. If I'm given two twenty notes I giggle as sweetly as fucking possible and remind them 'sorry sir/madem, these are the same and by your logic count as one. I'm going to need more money from you I'm afraid'.

The worried look on their faces makes me feel all warm inside everytime.
(Sun 15th May 2005, 18:26, More)

» Scary Neighbours

My neighbours were insane.
Not content with robbing bikes, car stereos, and dealing drugs, they had to sign for a parcel I had delivered an decided to keep the bloody thing. After being found out they tried offering us £20 (the stuff I'd ordered came to £50), a half drunk bottle of Jack Daniels and a letter that proved what illiterate scum they were. To prove their innocence and their anger at being 'treated like dirt' they trashed their house. The T.V. went through the window and screams of 'get my gun because I'm going to shoot them' could be heard. The polce came in riot gear beacuse thy actually thought he had a gun.

A week after this they set their house on fire. While their two year old son was still inside. Since then they've poured acid over the car, scratched the bonnet and smashed the windows. They were recently arrested for having just over 400 cannabis plants in house.

Strangely, people still ask me what promted me to sell my house.
(Sun 28th Aug 2005, 13:32, More)

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

A while back
I was working in a rather shitty little cafe down south as a summer job just before going back to uni. It provided money, but drained me of any will to live.

Anyway, after being given the highly honoured responisbility of locking everywhere up on my last day's shift I was told quite frankly that all the extra time I'd suffered there was to go unpaid. Dastards.

So in seeking revenge I cleared everywhere up, emptied the till and finally did the washing up as was necessary. I then super-glued all the plates together and then glued them all into the cupboards as well as making sure all the salt and pepper shakers where firmly glued to the tables. I truely wish I'd been there the next morning to see the looks on all their faces.
(Wed 26th Jul 2006, 15:20, More)

» Little things that turn you on

Not very original
but getting spanked and being tied up makes me rather giddy.

Oooh that and anyone touching my neck as gently as possible. Rawer.
(Fri 18th Feb 2005, 16:34, More)