» Things you've done when you've had no money.

one summer holiday at university
my house-mate and I were staying in Southampton. We were both absolutely skint but desperately needed to smoke something. Out came the rizlas and teabags. Tasted absoluteley foul but satisfied the cravings for a while. Another (similarly skint) time, upon realising that the only stimulant in the was a jar of instant coffee, we decided that the best thing to do would be to turn it in to two cups of brown tarry liquid and down the lot. Don't ever do this... my mate ended up in hospital with a resting heart beat around 180 bpm or so. Er, yes doctor. I don't know what's wrong - I just had a, er, strong cup of coffee...
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 12:10, More)

» Toilets

Please use the toilets properly...
I work for a telecomms company in sunny Farnborough. A large number of our employees are immigrants, many of whom it seems have little experience using what we might consider to be 'normal' toilets. Footprints have been noted atop the pan on a few occasions, once someone managed to actually miss the bog and leave their poo on the floor (for the next happy 'customer' to find).

It go so bad that HR eventually had to put signs in all the bogs requesting that people use them properly.

Oh, and the other day someone managed to do a poo about 14 inches long. Needless to say, even after several flushes by various passers-by, it was going nowhere. I believe in the end someone sent an email to all-staff requesting that it's owner kindly dispose of it...
(Sat 3rd Sep 2005, 23:49, More)

» Toilets

Everyone does this at some point (don't they?)
At Uni, spent a few hours (er, all day) drinking in the union bar. Decided early evening that I needed a poo, so off I went.

Next thing I know, I am being woken up by a mate clambering over the top of the cubicle to rescue me. I am lying on the floor, on my back with my trousers around my ankles. I think I fell asleep/unconcious - never did work out if it was mid-poo or not - and gracefully slipped forward, but have no recollection. I just remember hearing the security guard telling my mate that if I could walk I'd be let out - no idea how long I was in there for...
(Sun 4th Sep 2005, 0:12, More)

» People with Stupid Names

names from the work address book
include a lady called Ping Guin and a guy called Jesus...
(Tue 31st Aug 2004, 22:58, More)

» My Worst Vomit

mmm, pasta
Back when I was 16 I was getting ready to go out to my local pub on a Saturday evening. Being a young lad, my mum didn't want to see me going out on an empty stomach so she treated me to a very large bowl of pasta with a cheesy tomato sauce. This slipped down rather nicely.
As I entered the pub, I realised that I was feeling just a little bit queesy. Straight to the bar I went to order my favourite drink, a lovely can of cider and black(currant) to settle my stomach. As the first drop of this hit the pasta in my rather full stomach, it decided that the whole contents must be evacuated. Immediately. I had a choice of either barging through the a pub full of people to get to the toilets or making a run for it out of the front door. I chose the door as it was rather closer than the bogs, and just got out in time to leave a rather large pile of pasta, cheese and tomato sauce and a small quantity of cider + black on the pavement, at 7pm or so on a bright summer evening in a busy town. It was Bridgend, the pub was the King's Head. It later got turned in to one of those O'Neills Irish theme bars (the pub that is, not the vomit).
(Tue 24th Aug 2004, 14:09, More)