b3ta.com user Argh. There be scallys in the ranks.
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If you really want to know me, read my blog.

I like it...


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» Toilets

The TGI Buffalo
This is one of the most scariest moments in my childhood. At the grand old age of 6 my family and I took ourselves off to TGI Fridays (we have since aquired a little more class and taste) Half way through our meal I toddle off to the 'Ladies' and have a small, child sized wee. Now if you have been to the TGI's in Reading you will know that there is a HUGE Buffalo head above the entrance to the toilets, it took me so long to get the courage up to go under this 'Thing' and eventually just made a run for it.

After finishing up I try to open the loo door, alas I find that my teeny tiny hands are unable to unlock it, in a fit of panic I..... Do absolute bugger all (WTF?) thinking that eventually my parents will realise that I am in great danger and come and rescue me. FORTY minutes later they decide to see if I'm alright, which by this point I am very much NOT. And how do they fix this little lock problem? They go and get what seemed to be EVERY single bloody member of TGI staff to come and try and open the door. Eventually it budges, clearing the way for a very tear stained child, feeling rather abandoned, to exit the ladies. Only to have another breakdown under the Buffalo and apparently being so convinced that it was, in fact, this beast that locked me in the toilet.

This may not sound scary but to a six year old girl with a highly over active imagination, it was.

(Wed 7th Sep 2005, 10:42, More)

» Toilets

Teeny Tiny French Bangers & Porta Loos are ace
It was the summer of '99 and as a youngster I was quite the sports woman, regularly travelling to competitions around the country. This creates a stupendous amount of boredom, causing my team mates and I to come up with various ways to entertain ourselves...

Picture a Port-a-loo. You've got it? Ok, on top there is a little pipe that goes down into the tank below, to what I believe helps release some of the rancid smell. Having been at this Comp for over 3 days, the loos were rather similar to those at Reading Festival (eek!) Cue us youths thinking that a great way to 'help' the situation would be to drop 3 bangers down the pipe directly into the tank.

Oh the hilarity!

Three days of shite and piss all up the sides and over the ceiling of the loo, literally dripping onto the floor.

Yes, this did make me spew. But absolutely totally and utterly worth it.
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 11:27, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

I'm too young to be exposed to this...
My, now ex, BF's Mum really was a genuinely lovely lady. Really innocent etc. She always used to ask me to do her make up (I'm a girl) and once even asked if I'd teach her how to get stoned (wtf?).

Anyhoo, her husband left her while I was still on the scene, all the family were completely distraught, especially her as it was a bit of a shock to say the least...

So while my BF's little brother was in the house she 'accidently' swallowed 4 boxes of painkillers. I come round the house to paramedics inside pumping her stomach. Nice.

Some weeks later she tries it again. Again unsuccessful.

She's then put on Prozac, which makes her go a bit mental. She wonders in to the bedroom asking why BF had changed his curtains to pink ones (they were black and still are)

So apart from that she was lovely.

No apologies foor length, cause I like it xx

EDIT: Realised that this is a bit of a weird and pointless story. Hmmm...

(Wed 14th Sep 2005, 11:49, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

Upon meeting my (now ex) BF parents for the first time, there was some sort of confusion and I was not properly introduced as his GF (lots of people around etc).

About an hour later his father and I start talking and he asks why I'm out so late and don't I have school tomorrow?

I'm 20 and BF is 31.

I didn't laugh. And we have since broken up. I don't think he fancied explaining to his parents that he was, in fact, a kiddie fiddler.

Apologies for not sticking strictly to the QOTW, but I feel that I am a little to young for that kind of commitment.
(Thu 8th Sep 2005, 11:15, More)

» Posh

I own Belgium.
Actually this is a complete lie. My flat mates friends family does, the Mother is some dodgy business lady that managed to buy it all (not 100% on facts.)

Anyhoo, he said that the next time he was in Belgium he would fly us over in his private jet so we can say 'Hello'. HA!

Also my best mate was flown by her then BF from North California to LA just to watch a Basketball match.

Now thats fancy.
(Fri 16th Sep 2005, 12:18, More)
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