b3ta.com user salamander
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Profile for salamander:
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I'm a very polite home economics teacher. I like rudeness but can't snicker about it at work. Therefore, I love B3TA.

Recent front page messages:

(Thu 19th May 2011, 23:12, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Kids

I forget about accents...
I was a teacher's aid in a kindergarten one year. I'm from a desperately white area, but every now and again people from other lands arrive to feel out of place. In our class there was one boy from Japan. His English was fine and I barely would have known that it wasn't his first language except for the fact that his parents barely spoke anything but Japanese.


The kids' assignment was to trace their hands, then stitch around them and make a gorgeous keepsake for their parents to feel too duty-bound to never throw away. And underneath the hands, the child's own quote about what they do with their hands (you think you know where this is going... you're wrong.)

I draw with my hands, I eat with my hands, I wave with my hands...

I got to little Shou and asked him what he does with his hands. He piped up, "I pray with my hands!"

Now, this is a conservative school in a very keep-your-faith-away-from-my-tax-dollars kind of way and I didn't want any reprecussions, so I gently helped him change his mind: "I don't think you need your hands to pray, just your head and heart." Aww.

But his pained little face showed he wasn't ready to leave it. "No!" he insisted, "I pray!" And he took his little hands and mimed sqeezing and patting. "I pray with cray!"

He plays with clay.
Bless his sweet little sushi soul.
(Mon 21st Apr 2008, 18:44, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

stinky New Hampshire (USA) beer and cigarette bar bathroom wall
"For A Great Lay, Call Steven at xxx-xxx

...if children answer, ask for Daddy"
(Fri 4th May 2007, 14:29, More)

» Winning

Shite Prize
I entered a raffle once at a church basement thing and won a container of Lawry's Seasoned Salt. I was about 8.
(Fri 29th Apr 2011, 1:22, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Naive Little Girl
When I was in the third grade (about 8 years old) my literate teacher decided to nickname me after the Bandersnatch in Lewis Carrol's poem about Jabberwocky. I was AmandaSnatch, or just Snatch. Later that year I went to summer camp and adopted a neckname based on my big girl teeth/little girl face. I was called Beaver.

Never had a clue...
(Wed 24th May 2006, 13:58, More)

» I'm an expert

I love fruity drinks and the thought of being seductively sexy, so I spent many months learning how to tie a cherry stem in my mouth. In my mind there was nothing more alluring than catching a dashing man’s eye, raising an eyebrow and discreetly showing my craft, hoping he will realize that a tongue as dexterous as mine could perform miracles.
Trouble is: I look like I’m trying to release a rock from my dentures in the tying process, and all those woody stems gave me some mean sores.
(Fri 24th Jun 2005, 2:25, More)
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