b3ta.com user Theoban
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» The Onosecond

When I got my first mobile, I got a message the very next day from a number I didn't know, it was a slightly rude joke. So I texted back asking who it was, the reply came back saying "it's your Mum."

Fine thought I.

As the weeks progressed, the texts got ruder and tuder, eventually ending up with me receiving an ASCII drawing of a cock. Spurting daddy batter. This was totally out of character for my fairly prudish Mother, so I texted back querying this whole affair.

Seconds later I get a phone call from some woman, asking for 'Janet'. Seemingly bemused that she isn't there, she hangs up. I get a message apologising for it all, because for the last couple of months she'd thought I was her daughter.

Shame we never carried that on, my 'Mum' sounded hot.
(Fri 27th May 2005, 18:56, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Fun afternoon
I found child porn on my grandad's computer.

That was a fun day, after I'd told my parents.

We don't talk to him much anymore...
(Fri 10th Feb 2006, 13:56, More)

» My first love

14 and pure
My first love was a year younger than me at school, she was perfect and pure and lovely in every way.

She was my first kiss.

We lost our virginity to each other.

We stayed together for a year and a half, happy times they were.

UNTIL I found she was cheating on me not only with my 18 year old cousin (she was 13) and my married music teacher (he was 28!)

Surprisingly it ended after that.

And I only took her back a couple of times after that. Stand up for self-respect!
(Fri 21st Oct 2005, 22:45, More)

» The Wank Bank

I'm a bit poor for wank banks these days, recession and all.
All I could afford was a wank shed
It's fine but you don't half get splinters
(Thu 23rd Aug 2012, 15:25, More)

» Teenage Parties

Friend's house..thank god.
Nice party, generally. Much drink in the classy style, i.e. White Lightning.

The next morning though, the fallout was terrible to behold.

The wallpaper in the kitchen was falling off because we'd had a potato and butter fight in there. Someone had poured booze into the tv and playstation, rendering them unusable. Some eejit had nicked half this guy's mother's jewelery. The sharp knives were all missing, and some person (*cough*) had, erm, 'deflowered' someone upstairs in a bed, and she had bled all over his mattress and it had to be thrown out.

Downstairs though there was 2 traffic cones, a 'for sale' sign, a 'stop' sign and one of those water pump location signs.

We didn't go back to his parent's house ever again.
(Fri 14th Apr 2006, 18:07, More)
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