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» Conversation Killers

cakes
if the girl with the dog at work asks what you think of her cakes, do not say "blinding, thanks"

tried to eat my fist as I ran away
(Tue 17th May 2011, 12:11, More)

» Iffy crushes

female teachers
for some reason regardless of age and general level of attractiveness I always used to wank over teachers.

obvious lesbians, 55 year old fat women, anyone really. I think it's standard practice really but none of my mates admitted it, even though I'm sure they all had the same perversion.

also that tarbuck lady does have massive waps.
(Fri 7th Oct 2011, 20:23, More)

» Churches, temples and holy places

Funeral of a very close relative
Earlier this year myself and both brothers, three accompanying girlfriends and nephew both left for the funeral of a CLOSE relative at different times, from different places.

We all turned up five minutes late when everybody had gone in, in the middle of a very moving speech, causing heads to turn.

Our spaces IN THE FRONT ROW were all empty, and we were the only latecomers.

I have never wanted to kill myself, and my brothers, more.
(Fri 2nd Sep 2011, 16:20, More)

» Complaining

Bloody minded persistence pays off
Was out with some friends in the earlier part of the noughties when we ended up in Glastonbury's only (it's since been closed) nightclub - Heroes. So large was the establishment that they used mirrors to make it look twice the size if you were too drunk to notice the illusion, which we were.

Anyway we go to get our coats, and a friend (We shall call him T, for that is his first initial) finds his gurners have gone missing during the course of the evening.

Now a lesser man would have acknowledged the error of their ways and been grateful that the staff had simply chosen to pinch said substances rather than call the police, but not our hero.

There is only one person in charge of the cloakroom, and in a feat of bravery he begins to drunkenly break the poor girl's resolve - "look, we both know that you've got them..."

What seems like hours later (but is actually 20 about minutes) the girl gives in and returns the goods. If my memory serves me correctly she told him to fuck off as she did so.
(Mon 6th Sep 2010, 23:07, More)

» Conspiracy Theories

conspiracy theories
This is my favourite conspiracy site:

www.mi5.com/

because after smoking quite a lot of cannabis and experiencing something quite similar which nearly resulted in me killing myself, I can relate. Attention now please.
(Fri 2nd Dec 2011, 14:54, More)
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