» World's Sickest Joke

Try to take over the World!!
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.

He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 11:33, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Poit
A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to have a piss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind this hedge." She nods in agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer he reaches through a gap in the hedge, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himslef gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God Mary have you changed your sex!!!"
"No" she replies "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 11:29, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Whats that Brain?
A man and his wife are at the zoo.

She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended.)

He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.

"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him." he says.... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips.

Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.

"Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 11:33, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

The same thing we do every night pinky...
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh.

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife also.

The doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies:

"She choked."
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 11:31, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Egad Brain
Little Johnny was curious as to the mysteries of female anatomy, so he decided one day to approach his father, who was sure to be a learned scholar on the subject.
"Daddy," said Johnny, "what does a vagina look like?"
Somewhat unprepared for this question, Johnny's old man took some time to gather himself, and replied with a knowledgable smile: "Well, before a woman has sex with a man, a vagina looks like a delicate flower bud, glistening ever-so-slightly in the morning dew."
"And what does it look like after she's had sex?" asked Johnny.
"Like a bulldog eating mayonnaise."
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 11:26, More)