» World's Sickest Joke

Voodoo Dick
A man is always away on business trips, and is worried that his wife will get bored and cheat on him.
So, he goes to a sex shop to try and find something to keep her occupied.
'Do you have something to keep my wife satisfied when I'm away?' he asks the shady proprietor.
'yes..yesss I see you have problem. Come with me...' and he leads the man through a small door to the back of his shop, where he reaches for a small dusty box on a shelf.
'This is the Voodoo Dick', he says, 'just tell your wife to say "Voodoo Dick, my vagina" and the little guy will get to it. When she wants it to stop, she must simply clap her hands twice.'
Later the man gives the Voodoo Dick to his wife, and tells her to say 'Voodoo Dick, my vagina' whenever she feels the Urge.

Wondrous..so he goes off on business the next day and barely has he left the door when Wifey starts getting a bit restless. Stripping off and lying on the bed, she croons 'Voodoo Dick, my pussy'. Instantly the Voodoo Dick leaps off the shelf and starts giving her the rogering of her life. A coupla hours later shes come so many times shes in danger of dehydration, but als her absent-minded hubby forgot to tell her how to stop the Voodoo Dick.
Panicking, she stumbles out of the house and into her car, resolving to find her husband. She's going for about 30 seconds when a ppoliceman notices her orgasm-induced reckless driving and pulls her over.
'Sorry, uhhHH, Officer', shes manages, 'mmmnhhh...It's the Voodoo Dick, I cant stop it!'
'Voodoo Dick, my arse!', replies the copper.

heh heh, sincere lengthbased apologies
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 16:46, More)

» Sacked

Don't drink at your workplace. Just don't.
I used to work at the crappiest pub in Guildford (the Star, in case u know it).

So after work one day I go for a pint with the chef. A few hours and 80 quid later we're in the heavy metal night and the only ones moshing. Ugly powertrip bouncer guys decides we're fighting and kicks us out. Dan makes a fuss and gets nutted to the floor and armlocked, and held there while they call the police. Somewhere in all of this I apparently poked a chav in the eye (I don't remember it, but I bet the bstard bloody deserved it)

I got fired the next day, and they kept Dan until theyd trained a new chef, then sacked him too
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 16:44, More)