b3ta.com user bobobrains
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» Near Death Experiences

She's electric
When my girlfriend and I moved into our new house some of the light fittings and switches had been ripped out and the bare wires were left hanging. So she asks, "Do you think these are live?" and before I can say "I don't know but I wouldn't touch them.", she grabs the wires and sticks her tongue on them to test! I scream in horror... she just looks at me like I've gone mad and says "Nah, they're dead! What's with you?" before walking off, leaving me shaking and stuttering and not quite believing the level of idiocy I had just seen.
(Wed 1st Dec 2004, 17:54, More)

» * PFFT *

Me and the missus went to a mostly empty Edinburgh Zoo the night after a dodgy curry in Musselburgh. She was suffering particularly badly and kept droppping her guts all the way round but outside the tiger enclosure she let loose with a really stomach churning, rancid shit smelling, stinker. The viewing window was in a kind of tunnel, the smell was super concentrated and we were gagging from the rankness so ran off out get away from the stench. A couple of seconds later a rather middle class looking family came along so I hung around to watch whilst the missus ran off in embarassment. They stood in front of the window inhaling and grimacing for a couple of seconds before the Mum turned to the Dad and started blubbing "I can't believe the conditions they keep these in, you can smell it through the glass! We're not staying!" As she marched past me she was talking about going to the police!
(Tue 17th Jul 2007, 19:16, More)