b3ta.com user MrHeed
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live in london. with wife and kids.

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» Cheap Tat

In Sunderland in the early 90's, there was a lowest-price baked beans war between Netto and Food Giant (aka Food Pig). 10p per tin... 5p per tin... 4p per tin, etc...

Netto won; 2 free tins of Netto-brand baked beans with every purchase. You could go in and buy a loaf of bread for 19p and get 2 tins of beans free. 2 meals, with enough money left for plenty-o-booze.

Marvellous, although a little heavy on the quackage after 3 weeks.
(Wed 9th Jan 2008, 23:19, More)

» Job Interviews

Many years ago I was interviewing for a new Unix admin. This guy came 200 miles for the interview and within about 30 seconds I knew I wasn't going to hire him (first impressions...) But seeing as he had come 200 miles I decided to go through the full interview as professionally as possible but I simply couldn't make it last more than 30 minutes. 1 word answers to everything. In the end I resorted to his hobbies noting "You state one of your hobbies as DXing. What is that?"

"Well", he says, "it's like being a radio ham but without transmitting"

me: "What, you just listen to other radio hams talking to each other?"
him: "Yes."
me: "So your main hobby is listening to people you've never met talking to each other"
him: "Yes."

The Moral of this story: 1st impressions are usually correct.

apologies to any DXers out there. on seconds thoughts, no apologies - get a life.
(Sun 23rd Jan 2005, 22:26, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

More Vasectomy...
You should have the modern Vasectomy op, where they inject you in the testicles (and BOY does that hurt - when the Doc says 'don't flinch as this will hurt and you must not move....' JEBUS!). Then they lazer through your scrotum, pull the tubes out with a hook and lazer them apart, neatly corterizing (sp) them at the same time.

My op went badly and I had to have a week off work as the bruising left my bollocks the size of tangerines (so only slightly swollen :o) ) and so painful I could not walk. Getting to the doctors for a check up 5 days later was so much fun - I was getting passed on the street by pensioners with zimmer frames.
(Tue 18th Jul 2006, 0:00, More)

» Fire!

Me, and Jason B*********
caught trying to burn down the school dinner halls. I mean, they made us eat there from 1974 to 1979. The B***ards. So what if we burn them down. They deserved it. I tell you, it takes more than candles and lighter fluid to take down a school dinner hall with a vigilant caretaker with a hotline to the police.
(Sun 6th Nov 2005, 1:22, More)

» Essential Items

A bottle opener.
I mean, how many times have you had to lever the top of a bottle with a lighter. And I don't smoke any more so a bottle opener is now an essential. Comes in handy for opening boxes too. And I got it free in a christmas cracker. so there. It would be better if it had a corkscrew on it.
(Thu 27th Oct 2005, 23:00, More)
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