» Out of my depth

Primary School, Wizards and Guitars :-S
Well, when I was a young'un, I had somewhat of an active interest in the performing arts so naturally I participated in the schools drama group.
We were due to put on a play (can't remember what it was about to be honest) and they asked if anyone could play any musical instruments. Me, having taken guitar lessons for a grand total of 3 weeks and being about 8 years old, was a tad over confident in my abilitys so I shouted, "Well miss, IIIIIIII play the GUITAR!!!"
Silly bint actually believed me so next thing I new, I was sitting in front of the whole school on a stage, dressed up as a wizard and holding a guitar whilst being suitably shit scared. (I'd like to add that from what little I do remember of the plot, wizards and guitars were suitably out of place).
So, I then begin to pluck out a rather moving rendtion of jingle bells (again, it wasn't christmas :-S) stand up and walk off the stage with a completely blank look on my face.
Looked like a bit of a tit really.
(Wed 20th Oct 2004, 13:07, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Most ecentric school in the midlands
I went to possibly the strangest school in the entire midlands, despite the fact that most of the girls had kids by year 9 and most of the lads couldn't afford a school jumper and tie, the headmaster had seemed to convince himself that we were a "posh" school and as such we ended up with all kinds of eccentric teachers -

Mr Jones - French teacher, I always thought he was okay, but I had an incident in year 10 where a picture of my penis had somehow made the rounds through the entire school (don't ask how, it's not worth the hassle) and ever since then Mr Jones would always be extra nice to me and would make slightly off kilter remarks whilst smiling and looking at me......

Miss Clark - Science teacher, completely skitzo. We had a gym at the top end of the school which was rarely used due to the fact that you had massive windows all around it and everyone could see you looking like a tard trying to work out. Well after one of my many detentions, I walked past the afforementioned window to see Miss Clark, on the treadmill, stark bollock naked. She was getting on a bit but everything was still in the right place, the memory has stayed with me until this day....

Miss Simmons - Uber fine drama teacher who had a penchant for wearing short skirts with no underwear. Sat on the floor on the studio with her knees bent for all to see as I entered the lesson, without thinking I blurted out "Nice pubes miss". She thought I was some kind of pervert after that and I ended up with an E :-(

I could tell you the story of Mr Gracey, the school caretaker... he used to be a P.E. teacher who made all the boys do P.E. in just tehre underwear, bear in mind this is high school not primary, and people only started to cotton on when he was caught kiddy fiddling in the back of his car. However in the headmasters infinite wisdom, he was re-hired as a caretaker and was in charge of "The Kangaroos" (some stupid trampolining thing) where.... you guessed it, they had to go on the trampolines in just there underwear, as far as i'm aware it's still going on to this day.

I swear everyone in that school was probably a registered sex offender......
(Tue 15th Nov 2005, 21:21, More)