b3ta.com user Goldfish_
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» Take my Mother-in-law...

Mine is a born again christian
and she likes to recount the dreams she has where I am drowning and she is on a boat - she wants to save me but she can't because I lack faith. The only way to get on the boat is to believe in our lord. I am going to hell.

Besides, the only person who will be in heaven is her at this rate, so I'd rather not bother, thanks very much.
(Thu 8th Sep 2005, 12:41, More)

» The Onosecond

My first day at my first job...
I was being unnecessarily taught how to use outlook - the monkey showing me typed some crap and selected the entire address book for the company and sent it. I lack confidence at the best of times, so the last thing I needed was everyone thinking I was some kind of spazmo for typing 'helj sdfh dkms'. Replies came back with 'Hi, Welcome to the company' etc, but most treated me with care for a long while afterwards.

I did the same thing myself though a while later - Found a scat porn image that was intended for a mate of mine, I knew he would be utterly disgusted and repulsed and decided the best thing to do was forward it to him as quickly as possible. Sent it to everyone in my address book. (Luckily this was from home and had no employment repercussions, just some painful social ones - still makes my stomach turn typing this now).
(Thu 26th May 2005, 13:11, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

I'm lucky enough to suffer from re-occurring depression -
I am told by my born again christian m.i.l. that it's the devil and his cohorts clinging on to me and dragging me down. I should find god and I will be cured.

This advice does not help.
(Thu 8th Sep 2005, 12:45, More)

» Teenage Poetry

To a girl who changed schools....

I miss you so much - the minutes seem like hours,
I wrote this poem because I can't afford flowers.

/hangs self from neck until dead.
(Fri 12th Aug 2005, 11:16, More)

» When I met the parents

Years ago I went a now ex g/f house to pick her up -
It was the first time I had done so and knocked on the door. Through the frosted window I could see a huge lumbering silhouette - turned out to be the dad, who wanted to answer the door to check me out. He didn't realise that I was a 6ft 4in tall. He stood there and looked uncomfortable - clearly deflated by the fact that he wasn’t going to intimidate me.
Meh, the dirty, work-shy, benefit swindling pillock.
(Fri 20th May 2005, 8:57, More)
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