b3ta.com user TBL
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I must have deleted everything one day by mistake**

I'll get around to putting something back in here sometime

**probably while pissed

Here over 19 years now, and I still show up from time to time. Can't really get the time these days what with life and all that.

Recent front page messages:

Just another day in the home......
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(Thu 1st Jun 2023, 14:46, More)

"pud em up... pud em up...."
found, nicked, added text and posted...

(Tue 25th Apr 2006, 13:43, More)

Just one of those things that gets in your head......

(Wed 27th Jul 2005, 13:56, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Sacked

I was "let go" from a club I worked in as a
lighting and laser programmer... as the new DJ coming in had his own "team" of "professional people"


His "team" were 2 wankers who I had spotted watching me work (and who had been asking rather too many questions for mere anoraks) and they thought all they had to do was "push a few buttons"

Well... yes, if they had not been so stupid to have been seen by me in the previous weeks I may not have wiped all the memories of all the controllers and took the backup discs home with me, (my discs - my work - so my property) leaving them to work out how everything worked. I even reset all the graphics and limiters on the sound system. (no physical damage you understand, I was not that sort of person)

Fucking amateurs.

They were told to get the bloke who installed the gear to give them the instruction manuals, and/or ask him to teach them how to work the controllers. Pity them when they found out it was a good mate of mine, who promptly told them the only person in this area qualified to program the laser desk was me, and the only person in Ireland (at that time) who could program the computer was also me.

The cabbage patch kids could not even work out how to switch the bloody power on, let alone use the controllers

I was back in 2 weeks later on a higher wage and with fewer hours.
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 19:18, More)

» Petty Sabotage

another one springs to mind,
This would have been around 1977 or 8 (yes i'm that old) and our maths head teacher had been a right twunt... so..

He drove an old vauxhall viva, and back in those days the bonnet catch was on the outside.. we had previously (in the metalwork room) made up a little steel box about about the size of a large "household" matchbox... we had a hole drilled in the top that would take a spark plug, and proceded to half fill the box with petrol, and a tiny bit of sugar.... then we sneaked into the car park, and opened the bonnet of his car, we strapped the tin down firmly to the head, and took a spark plug out, and plugged it into the box... we then closed the bonnet, and legged it.

we heard the bang at 3.00 on the dot.... unfortunatly, the sugar made the burning petrol stick like napalm to the sides of the engine bay, and only for the quick thinking janitor who was walking past, the bugger could have been burned to death in the car, as he had fainted with the shock of the bang...

lucky for me I was already moving house that summer to a new town, (hence the bravado involved) but as it happened the local IRA got the blame (we didn't know he was a part time soldier, did we) Mind you, in a strange twist, the other two lads went on to work in the army . and from the odd letter and emails I get, have turned into very respectable members of society... I wonder what happend me then?
(Sun 8th May 2005, 19:10, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Some of my family are funeral directors,
and I have filled in as a driver the odd time, and one thing that always bugged us was the lack of any stereo systems in the cars... it was all well and good having that last "peaceful journey" but it did not half make a boring one for us (especially on the return trip) One day, faced with the daunting task of taking one deceased person to the only crematorium over here (rose lawn in Belfast) a nice round trip of almost 100 miles - we thought, sod it and took one of those "ghetto blasters" that were all the rage back in the 80's, and hid it behind the front seats.
So the journey up was not so peaceful after all for the recently departed but I am sure they would have enjoyed the wondrous sounds that was a mixture of 80's & 90’s Electronic stuff.

Now.. We used C90 tapes, and you know that sometimes there is a bit of a gap at the end, (not enough for a full song) but we would just leave it running as the auto reverse thingy usually kicked in.. (There was some tape gap sensor as well..)
Anyway... we dropped off the coffin and parked the hearse around the side, and as usual on a hot day left the windows open.
Cue the tape player kicking in David bowies “ashes to ashes” just as the people were walking back to their cars with their loved one in a little jar.. Lucky enough there were quite a few cars there, and they could not quite work out where it was coming from.. although the sight of a funeral directors assistant running at full pelt towards the hearse may have gave the game away…
There are plenty of other stories, like the time my uncle drove back from the morgue with the wrong coffin, and nobody realised until they had carried the damn thing up 3 flights of stairs for the wake. And another when the new driver discovered he was allergic to moss (the stuff they put in the rings of wreaths) and the one time the gravedigger had not dug the grave wide enough, and everybody had to wait 30 minutes while they franticly re-dug the hole with shovels…. I could fill a book me.
(Thu 11th May 2006, 14:32, More)

» Hypocrisy

Speaking of plod....
Local cops stopped the boy racers doing handbrake turns and skidding about on the snow in the local industrial estate.

And once the local boy racers had left, proceeded to do it themselves for 20 minutes.
(Mon 23rd Feb 2009, 15:04, More)

» Personal Ads

Well...... I did venture into on-line dating a little bit.
One night after a few too many beers I jumped in. My sensible head was still on, so I remembered not to give too much away, indeed so much so when I read my advert back the next day even I was not sure it was me that wrote it.

This however was a good thing, as about a week later after fending off the usual rubbish replies and requests to "go gold and pay us money" emails I received a reply with a girls details.

It was my mates wife.

"stuck in loveless marriage, sexy lady seeks solace and a way out"

I did the only decent thing and emailed him the link.

I have since discovered my brothers ex girlfriend, my sisters best mate and about 3 or 4 other people I know who all use it. I may yet go back in, wish me luck :-)
(Thu 13th Sep 2007, 20:26, More)
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