b3ta.com user littlebean
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Profile for littlebean:
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the devil finds work for idlebeans

My specialities lie in crap flash hacks rather than da shop. A few of them have featured in the b3ta newsletter, although almost always under different names: littlebean, arthurascii and Brian Millar.

P 45 roulette

powerpoint hamlet

spam ticker

untergrund, the tube map translated into german

Hey, I started a new company today

What is The Glove?

I also had this frontpage before I had a profile

Roland McDonald

Recent front page messages:

the trouble with matchstick men

evening all
(Fri 14th Nov 2003, 19:04, More)

office larks are all very funny

till somebody gets hurt
(Mon 28th Apr 2003, 22:29, More)

there's a lot of guns here tonight

I'm so easily led
(Tue 8th Apr 2003, 22:43, More)

The Case of the Recursive Homonculus

"This morning I discovered this extraordinary miniature object," exclaimed my friend, "Why it's the spitting image of-"

"Holmes, for pity's sake, don't look!"

pity me, my 80GB external hard drive went kaput 2 days ago. Still dead :(
(Thu 27th Mar 2003, 20:42, More)

Kids today. Pffff.

(Mon 17th Mar 2003, 15:41, More)

A Stately Mobile Home

...is the only way to travel

clicky pic for big

[edit] evening all
(Mon 3rd Mar 2003, 18:53, More)

Don't worry. It's not over till the fat lady-

(Fri 11th Oct 2002, 21:28, More)

no wonder
Stephen Fry's team won

___[edit] now animated___
(Wed 25th Sep 2002, 16:04, More)


(Tue 3rd Sep 2002, 9:02, More)

The Munch Bunch

(Thu 25th Jul 2002, 9:02, More)

keep britain tiny

(Mon 24th Jun 2002, 17:40, More)

great fathers day cards
of history

(Thu 13th Jun 2002, 10:15, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Being told off as an adult

I needed to renew my passport in a hurry
I dashed into Boots, and there was a photo machine free.

I hopped in, dropped my money in the slot and waited for the flash.

At that moment I heard a voice like a maiden aunt out of PG Wodehouse say:

"I prefer to think he didn't *see* that there was a queue."

My passport photo for the next ten years looked unbelievably guilty.

And it was one of those oldfashioned machines where you have to wait 5 minutes for the thing to be developed. With everybody in Boots staring at you. Including the 6 people in the orderly line behind the Photo-Me booth.
(Fri 21st Sep 2007, 20:41, More)

» Airport Stories

Fun at the Airport
Years ago I was on a TWA flight from LA to JFK. I was on business, travelling first class, having a whale of a time. We came into the TWA building at JFK, an amazing piece of modernism that you'll have seen if you watched Catch Me if You Can. It was a relic of a more civilized era of flying, but by modern standards it was far too small to cope with the number of passengers. To create space, they'd banned luggage trolleys.

Anyway, I swaggered out of the Fast Track to collect my luggage. The first few cases popped out, followed by a pair of underpants. "Ha!" I thought. "Someone's bag's burst. Here come some socks, and a shirt and... hey, I've got some trousers like that. God, that loser has the same kecks as me. And the same shirt.... Ahhhhh, fuck." And sure enough, with an audience of about 250 people, the contents of my bag appeared on the carousel, eventually to be joined by the shredded remains of my fancy suit bag which looked like it had been through a combine harvester.

Earlier, you may have been wondering why I went into so much detail about the trolleys. This is why. I had nowhere to load my stuff, I didn't want to leave it going around the conveyor belt while I went for help (in case it got blown up in a controlled explosion - that happened to a friend of mine. Well, his bag anyway). And suddenly all the TWA staff seemed to be doing an impersonation of their boss by disappearing mysteriously.

So I ended up piling everything up as best I could in my arms (this was a 6 week trip) and staggering through customs, through the airport, standing in the taxi queue with people running up to me going "You've dropped a sock."

I was staying at the Royalton in New York, a hotel (in the mid 90s anyway) where the staff are cooler than the guests. So I stagger out of the taxi, and this male model type comes up an says 'Do you have any bags?'. I say, "Hold out your arms." and load him up with my skiddy grundies.

God, I had to tip him big. The next day I went out and bought the kind of luggage they usually only use to move spent Uranium fuel rods in. And now I always launder before I get on the plane.
(Tue 7th Mar 2006, 9:29, More)

» God

Jesus loves you
...but if you don't love him back, he sends you underground and tortures you forever. This is not the love that passeth all understanding. It's Fred West love.
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 14:18, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

me and mrs littlebean
used to play "he did well, she did well", where you sit outside a coffee shop looking for passing couples where one is good looking and the other is grotesquely ugly

It's very boring when you play it in France though. It's just, "He did well. He did well. He did well."

Then we had children. Now we just play, "Where's Thomas the Tank Engine? Where's the car keys? Where's that letter I was going to post? Where's my life gone?"

they're a blessing really.
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 17:15, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

I've played a weird obsessive game since I was about 5
when I'm in a car or a train. I imagine lines drawn between things I'm passing (lamp posts on either side of the road, rail gantries etc) and lift my toes as we go over each line.

So as not to trip on the imaginary bumps, obviously.

This is probably very good exercise. But it is strange and a little shameful to admit to.
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 17:19, More)
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