» Social Networking Gaffes

Perfect, I can tell you all a lovely story about how I was screwed out of a job because of facebook.
I was busy, slogging away at my old job. And was called into a meeting room by my manager. Nothing strange there, figured it would be some kind of review.

As soon as the door closed, my manager's happy voice turned sad.

"I'm very disappointed in you Dave"

At this point I'm thinking... "WTF?"

I was then handed an envelope containing an invitation to a disiplinary meeting, a print out of my facebook page, and a letter explaining... in no uncertain terms, that it is not O.K. to call the company you work for. "CUNTS"

The next week, the meeting.

I stated my case, they stated theirs. My union rep was nice and supporting. And I was dismissed.

So, thanks facebook. You steaming bunch of wankers.
(Thu 11th Sep 2008, 16:34, More)

» Asking people out

Ohh, and, one of mine!
After spending a night drunkenly dancing with a friend who happens to be a lesbian, and one of her friends, I decided to try my luck and cheekily said

"right, I'm going to go grab a taxi unless one of you wants to take me home?"

and to my surprise, I received the reply. "OK then, come with me"

I wish I could say that had ended in a two girl threesome, but it did get me taken home by my friend's friend. Who was a pretty awesome shag.

I keep meaning to try it again, see if I've actually found the perfect pick-up line, but I haven't found myself in the right situation.
(Sun 13th Dec 2009, 23:23, More)

» I Quit!

I was assistant manager...
In a crappy little shop in a dead retail villiage.

I was already on my notice as I was due to move to a better job and the company seemed to be sinking.

But when (for a third day runnung) I was phoned and told to get in early as I would be on my own all day, and my replacement would be in for an interview, so be nice to him....

I decided to fuck things up a bit.

I drove to a different store, walked up to the manager, handed her a pile of shirts and the keys to my store, and said;

"Someone else can open up whiteley today, I'm never going back there again"

And walked out.

I'm not sure what made it more worthwhile... The look on the staff's faces, or the fact that they managed to make my replacement wait around for 4 hours for someone from london to drive down to interview him.

I think I won that one.
(Wed 28th May 2008, 8:43, More)

» Asking people out

Not one of mine, but used on me.
WAAAAY back, when I was 14, and desperate to loose my virginity, I met through friends a girl who we shall call "Bush Girl" for reasons which will become clear.

I was 14, she was 16, and we'd arranged to meet up at the college (as it was half way between our houses). This was the middle of the summer holidays and no one was around (apart from a cricket team on the other side of the field), we chatted about the possibility of me taking her to a gig that weekend, and partook in some overenthusiastic tongue wrestling. THAT was when I received THE CHEESIEST (yet somehow irresistible) chat up line ever:

She stopped kissing me for a moment and said;

"When I said I wanted you to take me... I wasn't just talking about the gig"

And there and then, I lost my virginity, in (under) a bush, on the college field.

The relationship which followed lasted all of a week, but hey, ya gotta start somewhere.

Apologies for length, girth, blah blah blah.
(Sun 13th Dec 2009, 23:14, More)

» My most gullible moment

Not MY most gullible, but possibly my little cousin's.
I have a large extended family who are all quite close, and at some point we were all (about 16-18 of us) sat down having a chineese.

It became clear that there were nowhere near enough sweet and sour chicken balls to go around....

What did we do? Try and share? Did we fuck! Managed to convince the two youngest of my cousins that they were deep friend monkey brains.

1-0 to the older cousins.

(they were really, very good chicken balls)
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 23:31, More)