» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

It's not just the Army
Some genius RAF aircrew bloke once decided to give the local schoolkids a treat by loading the airbrake bay of his aircraft full of sweeties, flying over the school, opening the airbrakes and dropping the sweets for all the children. Problem was, dropping boiled sweets from 15 tons of F4 Phantom flying at 200 knots had a sort of 'strafing' effect and caused quite a lot of damage to the building. The Div.
(Tue 28th Mar 2006, 18:32, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Small but exciting
Whilst sitting in a cubicle at work once, I saw some extremely small writing near the bottom of the toilet door. I bent forward to read what it said. Someone had written (in extremely neat handwriting) "You are now pooing at an angle of 45 degrees". I laughed some poo out.
(Fri 4th May 2007, 17:04, More)

» Stuff I've found

Students are funny
I was at a Cardigans concert at Wolverhampton about 10 years ago. I'd had a few drinks before the gig and during the warm up act so the seal was well and truly broken. On the way to the toilets were a load of students sat against the wall smoking some rather sweet smelling roleys, and on the floor in front of said students was a five pound note. Why it didn't register that the students would have smelled the money from the other side of the room and pocketed it thenselves may have had something to do with the amount of alcohol I'd previously consumed that evening. So I spied the fiver from about 3 paces away and adjusted my gait so I could kick the money ahead without breaking stride in a casual smooth 'I haven't just seen five quid and I'm nicking it' kind of way. I kicked the fiver all the way into the gents where I managed to discretely bend down to retreive it awwy from the eyes of the rightful owner who may wish me to return it. I opened the note to see HRH QE2 staring at me from one side. I turned the note over to see the other side was completely blank except for the word 'FUCKER' neatly printed in the middle of the paper. At least I hadn't given the soap dodging spongers the pleasure of seeing my face when I realised I'd been had but there were a few smug faces when I walked past them on my way out of the bogs. I hate students.
(Sat 8th Nov 2008, 14:28, More)

» Schadenfreude

Death Schadenfreude
One of the instructors of a course I did few years ago was diagnosed with cancer. We completed the course and left before we found out the outcome of his diagnosis, but a couple of years after that I saw a colleague of his and asked how he was.

'He's dead' came the sullen reply. 'Cancer got him in the end then?' I asked. 'Nah. He got rid of the cancer. Fell down the stairs and broke his neck'

I laughed so hard that I'm going to hell with wet trousers.
(Fri 18th Dec 2009, 16:10, More)

» Work Experience

What we did to them
We horrible military types used to play various tricks on the work experience kids - Like send them to tool stores for a 'Long Weight'. Some of them used to wait quite a long time before they cottoned on.

Or we'd send them to the medical centre to collect some 'Fallopian Tubing'.

Or give them an empty bag sealed with tape, and tell them it was contaminated oxygen which needed testing.

Or send them to get a new bubble for a spirit level.

Or send them to have their I.D.Ten-T photo taken whilst wearing a respirator - shortly after that we would present them with a picture of them wearing a respirator holding a board displaying the legend 'ID10T'

The best one though involved blindfolding someone, staking them to the grass and driving a Landrover very close to their head, leaving the engine running. Someone would then roll the spare wheel of the Landrover over the victims chest while the Landrover was driven slowly away making the naive youg fool think they were being run over. Hehe.
(Thu 10th May 2007, 22:36, More)