» Petty Sabotage

Where the magic never ends..
Whilst employed by a large north midlands attraction. I went through pain to fuck someone over, proper pain.

Me and my minions worked at 3D cinema. We were handing out the glasses and telling people the saftey rules i.e no food or drink in case the super evil film makes you jump and you dump it on some cunt.

I was talking to a lady and advised her that she could leave her sweets with us at the front desk and collect them afterwards. It was all nice with jokey comments such as
"oh you're not going to eat them are you?"
"oh no madam, on a diet see?" (all very jolly, cause i like chatting to the joes)
then dick flaps her fella grunted
"Yeah, looks like you could lose some pounds"
(at this point I saw out of the corner of my eye three of my team freeze and wince as I was known for my vengence on people)
"You are probably right sir. May I take your drink?"
and like the asshair he was he left me his frosty beverage cup.
He entered the show chuckling at his wit. I took his drink to a lockable store cupboard. After five mins, readers wife mag and some tissue, I carefully inserted the rough edged straw down my japs eye, extra careful to get some residue. After carefully withdrawing the straw, i removed some detrius from the outside of the straw (marvelling at the viscosity and shade) and reintroduced it to the drink and run some water down it so it was not complety clogged.

I waited my entire lunchbreak for dickpump to return and almost lost hope. But sure enough in he waddled with his sweet crunching partner. I wished him a very good day as he took three deep drafts from the straw and drained the cup, belched like the gentleman he was and left his spurs top beginning to hum in the heat.

My staff demanded I should be a manager after that cause they wanted to send complaints to me .
Bless
(Wed 4th May 2005, 13:14, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Like a fly marrying a bumble bee....
My sister and i following the hearse of my Auntie.

Both a little wiered out by the nasty atmosphere with feuding families in cold war mose.

Car starts

First song that plays from the CD on random

The Happy Happy Joy Joy Song

Cue Waynes world type bouncing as we follow thin lipped rellies

god Bless Ren and stimpy

RIP Auntie B
(Tue 16th May 2006, 17:02, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

Bob Hood - prince of wossnames
Tenuous but cute, My family have a busness breeding Scotish Deerhounds. Big stupid grey hairy things, movmemnts very similar to the mystics from Dark Crystal, perfect for big castles and that. Which is why three of em were hired form 'Robin Hood prince of thieves'. The scene where a young child is chased down the hill. Took forever as the director wanted 'more mean' as they looked like they were arsed off , well they were and kept looking at the camera as the camera man was eating a sarnie. Bless em. They also shat on set and a makeup girl had to clean it up (luckily a type1 rather firm) - kevin costner got his crotch sniffed as well after they got a sacer of whiskey (they love it!) . My dogs the oliver reed of the canine thesps!
(Thu 18th Nov 2004, 10:02, More)

» Singing the wrong words

meatloaf
Gonna hit the highway like a battering ram
I'm a cilla black fan on a bike
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 22:58, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Shania probably didn't mean this!
tune - "man I feel like a woman"
"Give it some action
Put her in traction
Cum in her hair
Do what I dare!
Man I feel like a woman!"

Grunties
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 22:51, More)