b3ta.com user tomshave
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» That's when I knew it was over...

You lot
When, for the umpteenth time today a member of staff has found me giggling like a nutter over qotw instead of doing any work. You bastards.
(Thu 21st Jul 2005, 13:21, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Jerry Springer
I heard a group of ignorami complaining about 'Jerry Springer: The Opera' being screened on BBC because it used a few swear words.

Funny, they didn't complain about minor celebrities being forced to wade through shit, offal and old beer in order to give a small amount of profits to help the survivors of the world's worst natural disaster.

I can't help but think that sometimes our priorities are a bit off...
(Sun 9th Jan 2005, 21:34, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Mums, girls and brothers
Sister: If Buzz Lightyear didn't realise he was a toy, how come he didn't talk to the humans?
Mum: Well, he had that helmet on.

Brother (after returning from shopping trip): Mum, your change...
Mum (confused): I am change?

Made herself cry with laughter by imagining a horse powered dishwasher. Because the horse would be 'walking around in circles in their kitchen.'

Funny thing is, in any quiz she beats the shit out of anyone else.

Also, a girl I used to know was very surprised one day to learn that cheese was made from cow's milk. She thought it came from chickens. Nearly got into Cambridge. The mind boggles.

Dad: If you had infinite monkeys working on infinite typewriters, then they'd eventually write Shakespeare.
Brother: No, they'd run out of food.

And he did get into Cambridge.
(Sun 9th Jan 2005, 20:24, More)

» Black Sheep

Not me, but...
Legendarily, a friend's brother disappeared from his family for a while, went off, didn't hear a peep from him for a few months until he turned up on Christmas day and said 'Are we 'avin a munch?!'
(Mon 17th Jan 2005, 17:49, More)

» Childhood bad taste

When I was young
When I was much younger, no more than a little stupid lamb, I used to find it amusing to post messages on the board that made a link to past oft-posted messages about ice cream vans and pedrophiles. Oh how the cold light of day has revealed the irony that these messages have now become as irritating as the originals they so meant to parody. There's nothing so frightening as the horrible feeling of having to now be original.
(Tue 14th Dec 2004, 16:00, More)
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