b3ta.com user mazurka
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for mazurka:
Profile Info:

The piss artist formaly known as d451d - which although is a fantastic name in real life is a bit gay on teh board.

I have an upstanding member in society and am the pillock of the community.

I typically work on landfill sites so contact me for all your waste(r) related needs.

dave b hughes (sans spaces) squiggly a g00glema!l period com

should you be bored, daft or inquisitive
My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Imperial Majesty Mazurka the Ceaseless of Old Throcking in the Hole
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

Elephants Leg
A friend who worked in a kebab house showed me how the elephants leg of kebab meet is put on to the spit.

As the meat was frozen the precut hole was full of ice and not quite as square as it needed to be. Claiming it to be "the only way" he proceeded to pogo around the back yard until the spit was most of the way through...
(Fri 21st Jul 2006, 11:16, More)

» Workplace Boredom

I'm an estate agent
and times are really tough at the moment. I don't look out of the window in the morning, as I would not have anything to do in the afternoon.
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 20:43, More)

» Stuff I've found

My wifes wedding ring.
Having been told, whilst on Holiday in Pembroke, not to loose the ring whilst Mrs Mazurka went for a swim, sadly, I failed.

An hour of 8 people scrabbling around sieving sand with bare hands did not find it. In desperation I went to the tourist information place and asked where the nearest metal detector shop was (Swansea). I was about to leave dejected and in the knowledge that I would never be allowed to forget my momentary lapse in competence when the lad in the shop remembered a mate of his might have one. 1/4 later and a stop for new batteries and I was in business.

It was easy to tell where we had looked before but it was not easy to know what settings the metal detector needed. It proved very good at finding the occasional rust nails but not so good with rings. Just at the point when I was about to give up, I gave the knob a twiddle one last time, waved the detector about and lo, the headphones beeped the ring was found.

for what it it is worth Whitesands Bay (Porth Mawr) is an incredibly clean beach.
(Thu 6th Nov 2008, 21:25, More)

» Blood

I got food poisoning
really bad food poisoning.
really really bad food poisoning.
So bad the public health laboratory sent me a letter saying "you have a notifiable disease try and keep away from other people".

Initially the the give away that it wasn't due to mild bit of over indulgence was the blood. Lots of it.

To compound this, I was camping on dartmoor and trying to shit into a hole I had to dig for the purpose. The sight of my bloody shit made me puke, which was also distressingly red.

I decided to cut my loses and drive home, which felt like the longest journey to Chester ever, as I had to stop at every services on the M5 & M6 I passed.

I am often reminded of the episode when I have eaten beetroot...
(Thu 7th Aug 2008, 20:13, More)

» Personal Hygiene

I have done environmental sampling work on landfill sites
The smell can be really quite strong and often picks up on clothes etc.

One particular day I had to sample the liquid out of the bottom of the site. This contains all manner of chemical nasties, but some really turn your stomach (even when you are used to it). It was a hot day but parts of the site were still muddy and by the time I had finished, the site was shut up, so all grimy and sweaty I jump in the van and head home.

I get a call from a friend to say that another friend has been taken to hospital and did I want to visit. I thought this was a good idea as the hospital was on the way home and i could get to visit before dinner time.

I got to the hospital and washed my hands and face, but I had forgoten how bad I smelled. I go and visit my friend and must have been there 1/4 before a nurse came over and asked me to leave. I said that I had only just got there and that there was another half hour of visting. She politely said that the smell had caused one of the other patients to vomit and others were complaining.

I was mortified and left as quick as I could. When my friend came out, she said that the smell had lingered all night and hardly anyone had eaten that night.
(Tue 27th Mar 2007, 15:54, More)
[read all their answers]