» Misunderstood

working in a bank...
... I work in a bank (in the UK), and some american tourists were at one of our ATMs. making eye contact with one of them I'm greeted with "Hey, come over here can you help us, we dont know what to do". Me thinking 'oh, they probably have entered the wrong PIN number or something', I walk over to them to see a screen showing a Spanish flag, German flag, French flag and a British flag... "which one translates it into American?" they ask... idiots!!

Misunderstadning, or stupidity about which language they speak in America?
(Sun 9th Oct 2005, 16:39, More)

» Toilets

in the loo
At a barbeque over in a mate's house, i needed to use the loo. A fair few beers had passed down my throat so as u can imagine, my guts weren't in the most 'orderly' of moods. I then proceeded to have a crap, all going supprisingly well, until i came ot flush....

.... a floater, but not just any floater, THE floater to end all floaters. It survived the first flush, and the second flsuh, and the third and forth flush. The fifth flush was proceeded by me having to get a hand full of loo paper and placed above the rebelious poo to weigh it down... it failed too.

After SIXTEEN FLUSHES, i gave up, covered my hand in paper, picked the poo OUT of the bowl, wrapped it up as best I could, sprayed it with the can of lynx de-odourant left in the bathroom and put it neatly into the bin...

... my sense of acheivement was soon dashed when i saw the look on everyone's faces after they had heard me flsuh the toilet 16 times from the back yard.

I'm supposed to be going over to his house for another bbq today funnily enough.
(Sun 4th Sep 2005, 15:57, More)

» Weird Traditions

ICHA WA WA!
the tradition we developed over christmas time at work was this. remember those strange furry jackets without sleeves that all the ladies were wearing recently, well working in a shopping centre we invented a game "spot the ewok" where everytime u saw one you would have to shout "EWOK!!", and score a point

grey/brown coloured = 1 point
multicoloured = 2 points
special gold ones = 5 points
exceptionally rare purple ones = 10 points

matching accessories (bags, boots etc) doubled your points

it gave us an excuse not to do any work at least.
(Mon 1st Aug 2005, 15:37, More)

» Claims to Fame

oh, more claims by me
*also met desmond lynam at the airport*

*my ex gave Richard O'brien a molest*

*I went to school with Maria from Corrie*

*My flatmate called Andi Peters a cunt*

*My other mate asked Amy Lame if she was janet jackson in a club, she left quickly after*
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 21:11, More)

» Claims to Fame

crappest claim to fame
Well, I was 18 (6 yrs ago) and in a club with my mates.

Who would happen to walk past us but PETER SIMON, presenter of double-dare and run the risk on Children's BBC's going live.

Stopping him and asking if it really was him, he confrimed our drunken supsicions.

Then explaining what he had been up to since the days of gordon the gopher and co, he began to touch me up; grope my ass while none of my friends were the wiser.

This lasted about 1 minute, during which the thought was going through my head "this is peter simon, hes touching me up, should i be offended or savouring it for the press earnings?"

i let him have his wicked way with my derrier while chatting about himself, before he wandered off, presumably to go fondle some other teenage boy.

I tell the story fondly these days...
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 21:07, More)