b3ta.com user Bertie Dastard
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for Bertie Dastard:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» The Police

I haven't done anything wrong...
I was drinking in the pub quite innocently one evening with a couple of buddies, when this WPC came in. She strolled right over to me and made me stand up.

She proceeded to take all of her clothes off, revealing various bits of flimsy underwear and naked flesh, eventually uncovering her pert breasts which she made me cover in squirty cream. She then ordered me to lick it off.

After this she handcuffed me, stripped me almost naked and whipped my backside. Then she let me whip her backside. After about twenty minutes she pulled all her clothes back on and left.

To this day I am convinced she was not a real police officer.
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 10:51, More)

» The Police

Polite Notice
For all the people who commit vehicle offences, whether they are caught or get away with it – speeding, drunk driving, drug driving etc…


It is definitely not big and not clever.

Driving a car is like walking round with a loaded gun – lethal.

Just had to get that off my chest.
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 11:05, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

A little ditty from my past...
Half a pound of legs and arms,
Half a pound of plastic,
Stick them in a washing machine,
Out comes a spastic.
(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 10:17, More)

» The Police

I wouldn’t normally reply like this over the board but…
I felt compelled to do so in this case.

To disasterprone who said “Also, for the sanctimonious wankers who insist on preaching about drink/drug driving: Of course it's wrong, but this is a fun website, not a place for warning people about how you disapprove of their behaviour. I hope you all get run over by drink/drug drivers, simply for being such twats.”

Thankyou for your kind and comforting comments. I shall be honoured to pass them on to the family of one of my best mates who was killed by a speeding drunk driver a couple of years back. I’m sure they will appreciate your thoughts.

You sir, are a first class arsehole.

Sorry to do this on here, but I think it warranted it in this case.
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 13:56, More)

» Teenage Poetry

I remember....
Sitting in English next to a guy called Andy. He wrote a poem that went something like this...

Andi Peters,
No he doesn't,
Yes. Two litres.

(Thu 11th Aug 2005, 16:28, More)
[read all their answers]