b3ta.com user The_Mop
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The_Mop's works of pure idiocy (what, you expected there to be art here?)


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Kitty gets 'pwnd' -

The even more evil laughing cat - (it has a monocle! Argh!)

Death Metal Penguin!

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» Rock and Roll Stories

String Breakage! ARGH!
I played at the last school summer gig, playing Satch Boogie (by Joe Satriani, amazing guitarist) with the rest of my band.

Anyways, my guitar is an Ibanez JEM with a double-locking trem bridge. Now, not sure how many guitarists are here on this board, but the long and short of it is that it takes AGES to change the strings on a double-locking bridge. It usually takes 10 mins if changing just one.

Anyway, the band just before us on the setlist were on. I was going through some warmups, and suddenly my high E string snaps.


I have five minutes to change it before I go out to batter the shit out of it, and it's a bloody double-locking trem. Fortunatly, the band before us accidentally repeated their chorus or something, and I was given 5 mins to change this string.

Nervous as fuck, I somehow managed it. It's the first time I've ever really got nervous before a gig. That's the closest I've ever been to a Spinal Tap moment :S
(Thu 29th Jun 2006, 20:59, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Nosebleeds + substitute teachers
This isn't really me throwing a sickie, more like someone throwing a sickie for me.

So, up until a few Christmasses ago, I had never had a nosebleed IN MY LIFE. Never. And suddenfly, for about 4 months I was constantly having them.

Anyway, one day in school, i was in a german lesson, and we had this supply teacher who everyone hated. She was Austrian, it was hard to understand what she was saying and she bollocked everyone for no reason.

Anyway, on come the nosebleeds. I asked if I could go to the toilets to wash up. So, as I'm walking down the corridor, some guy I know comes walking after me. He told me to wait up, and I asked what he was doing out of the lesson. He replied 'I told her that I should go with you incase you died of blood loss', which I found pretty funny.

But the REALLY cruel part is that we found out a couple of days later that this supply teacher's son is a haemophiliac! (for those who don't know, that's a condition where your blood can't clot easily, and bleeding just doesn't stop)
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 18:55, More)

» School fights

Not nessecarily a fight, more so an attack....involving a gluestick....
....some guy who was in my form had been annoying me for years, but had only just started trying to hit me. Y'know the usuall - headbut here, digs there, all that bullcrap.

Anyways, one day in a form period of some variety, our pathetic form teacher went outside for some reason and this complete twunt was on the other side of the classroom, playing around with a gluestick.

Yes, a gluestick. Not the most threatening object known to man, but they're moderatly heavy when they're full, and if he decided to throw it at me with a good amount of spin, it would hurt so fucking much.

Anyway, he's playing around with this gluestick, 'pretending' to chuck it at me (where he nearly let it out of your hand to scare me)I knew that him throwing it would be inevitable, so I just braced myself for some good ol' fashioned pain. So, finally, he threw it at me. Friggin' 'eck, it flew quickly, he'd thrown it as hard as he bloody could.

Not as accuratly as he could though - it ended up hitting one of his best mates square on the forehead! He was being so bloody apologetic to this guy, who now had this massive red swelling protruding out of his forehead. Now do you beleive me when I say that a gluestick will hurt?

Still, if it had hit me, this wanker would be laughing his fucking arse off. What a complete prick.

So, kids - watch out for flying gluesticks!
(Fri 17th Mar 2006, 1:12, More)