» Hidden Treasure

Scat
Okay so I didn't exactly find this treasure rather it was handed to me.

To begin I work in a Pharmacy and people naturally come in seeking our advice. One day an elderly man enters the shop and hands me a shopping bag without a word. Naturally I assumed he was returning and item; however, on opening the bag I see that he's coiled out some of his own "treasure" in to the bag. The smell was incredible and it being a hot day the bags sides were covered in condensation from his turd. Gagging I looked up at him in disbelief. He then innocently asked if he had worms - he had.
(Wed 6th Jul 2005, 9:28, More)

» Misunderstood

This sounds like a bullshit story but trust me it isn't...
we get all sorts of idiots in the Pharmacy where I work here is a tail of two of them.

1. Sold a woman a pessary (thats a vag' tablet to those who don't know) for thrush. She rings up a couple of hours later in some distress claiming her vag' is now bleeding. On questioning she'd cut the shape of the pessary out in the foil and shoved the razor sharpe foil/plastic coated pessary in to herself.

2. This one sounds like shit but isn't a woman rang us regarding a topical cream she'd been described. The instructions said apply locally and I kid you not she was worried because she was going abroad on holiday that week.

Also,

3. A fucktard who thought out own brand of paracetamol was "bulked out" with aspirin apparently he'd seen it on t.v.

4. The woman who thought we put the side effects in the medicine.

5. The man who was convinced that, despite being diabetic, going on a 5 day starvation/detox plan was a good idea.

Tossers.

Edit: I realise not all of these fit the QOTW but once I started I couldn't stop.
(Mon 10th Oct 2005, 19:47, More)

» That's when I knew it was over...

Also,
I knew it was about to be over when the following words where used in a motivational briefing:

1. Imagineer
2. Paradigm shift (shudder)
3. Proactive

I laughed and asked if they knew what a paradigm shift was (they thought they did but didn't) I also pointed out that acting rather than reacting could only be done by doing random things (essentially having a fit) which to be fair would suit the managment style.

I was told to stop being facetious I asked them if they knew what this meant they didn't lol.

I'm not naturally a wanker I just object to people using words to frighten other people in to agreeing with them in case they look stupid I for one am not frightened to look stupid by asking "what does that mean exactly..".
(Sat 23rd Jul 2005, 23:48, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Jonny Foreigner
Reading these posts I've noticed a few attempts to redress the balance of opnion away from Jonny Foreigner by attacking the British abroad. However, such attempts are pointless as it is every Englishmans god born right to ridicule, belittle and patronise any foreign nation. The resons for this is simple. Being British we will undoubtly be either responsible for the birth of your nation, occupied it as a colony or beaten it in to submission in some war or another (apart from those wars we CHOSE to lose e.g. American revolution which in todays terms was like Britian fighting a war on the moon).

As a result you should be grateful to us for visting your crap hole of a country lest we give you another taste of British spunk.

If you don't like anything I've said address all complaints to mm123 care of the BNP.

Edit: Before a wave of hate posts are directed against me please look up parody in the dictionary.
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 3:44, More)

» Toilets

Junk food
Recently a mate and I decided to visit the sites around Salisbury and generally be cultured for a couple of days. So we set off from Middlesbrough. Near Nottingham we stopped for food and discovered they still have Wimpys down south! We thought they'd been out of business for years, the trip quickly turned into Supersize me. After eight meals of nothing but junk food I was so constipated I started crying in pain, yes actually crying. I also managed to tear a blood vessel in my anus the result being I had to put a sanitary towel (not a tampon!) in between my arse cheeks. My stomach became distended with gas and on returning to Middlesbrough I had to shove four suppositries (arse tablets) in to myself for relief.

Damn you Wimpy burger!
(Fri 2nd Sep 2005, 18:03, More)