b3ta.com user hypnochimp
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I am the leader of the glorious chimp armies king of all I survey, and when I'm not on my computer I'm flogging my Miracle Fruit I used to be a professional hypnotist with some rather impressive showreels - although they clearly weren't good enough to get on the box...

...but seeing as you asked...
NEW Man becomes his wifes bitch for the weekend
'David Blaine'
'David Blaine' Pt.2
'David Beckham'

me in 1985

The Amazing Jeccy made this Woman cartoon for me

The phenomenal BilboBarneyBobs made this for me

some stuff what I done...

Recent front page messages:

Cor - FP! and the day my site finally goes online!

/shameless plug
(Fri 9th Mar 2007, 8:49, More)


(Mon 25th Apr 2005, 14:04, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

I love political correctness
because it means tories have to think of new ways to thinly veil their bigotry.
(Fri 23rd Nov 2007, 15:09, More)

» Heckles

Not a heckle but...
Roy Chubby Brown had the difficult task of opening a gig at a Catholic old people's home a few years back, they had been broken into a fortnight before and had their telly's and murray mints nicked.
Annnyway, he goes on stage looks dumfounded for a bit then indicates to the giant crucifix hanging at the opposite end of the hall "I see you caught the c*nt then"

taxi for the fat man
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 9:57, More)

» Conned

I made nearly a hundred quid
selling Ebay's helpline number on Ebay (for £1 a pop) before they shut me down, t'was ace.
(Thu 18th Oct 2007, 14:34, More)

» Voyeurism

After leaving a pub lock in at the early hour of midnight
Myself and a friend were strolling home when we walked past the one house in the road with its downstairs lights still on, a brief glance confirmed that there was in fact a tall black gentleman pleasuring himself to whatever was being displayed on his tv screen in the lounge. here is the snapshot I took at the time, its completely SFW but it just illustrates how totally bleeding obvious he was being. We thought about knocking on the window to scare him but shat it when we pondered the possibility of him chasing and then bumming us.
(Thu 11th Oct 2007, 20:03, More)

» Mugged

In Bristol one fine evening....
I got heartily smashed at some awful nightclub, typical of me at the time I had spanked all my money in the world (about £80) on having a goodtime. Several hours later finds me wandering up Park street sweaty Chicken burger in hand. As I munch down on the burger I am vaguely aware of two guys wandering up the road in the same direction in front of me (apparently this is a favoured tactic as it dosn't arouse the immediate suspicion that walking head on at people does). The next thing I know they spin round and knock my food flying, grab me and drag me into an alleyway where I immediately begin berating them for making me drop my food. They slap me about a bit and it dawns upon me that I am being mugged, they ask me for money which made me chuckle as I informed them that had they got me a couple of hours earlier they would have had 80 notes but now they were welcome to the fifty pence I had to my name as it was going in the pot of the next tramp up the road anyway... needless to say a few more slaps follow until one asks me for my credit card which I readily hand over (knowing full well with the amount it was overdrawn that I would probably be nicked if I tried using it again let alone anyone else) this seemed to placate them and they turned to leave, then as an afterthought one turned and asked if I was a student, I replied I was whereupon he HANDED THE CARD STRAIGHT BACK then promptly ran off
(Tue 20th Jun 2006, 17:33, More)
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