b3ta.com user mehmeh
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A charming 25 year old videogames developer.

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» Airport Stories

Kemble Airport
I've pissed off the wing of a 747 on the tarmac of an Airfield.

Spent a weekend learning how to assault a 747 hostage rescue stylee.

It's mostly handles freight and private aircraft and it was most amusing watching the looks on the pilots faces as they taxi past a load of heavily armed blokes scampering around/over/through a giant aircraft.

I would also not recommend being the 'step man'. It does not do wonders for the back. Anyway have a photo:

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

You can just see my head coming up over the wing in the bottom left.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 14:30, More)

» Shame

Everyone I know, knows this...
So a little self-outage. I've even had people I barely know bring this story up.

Anyway back in the golden days of University my long-term girlfriend had just ditched me and hooked up with another guy from my course. I wasn't expecting this at all and of course recovered in time honoured tradition by getting completely bladdered for a while.

On reflection this is my first bit of shame as it ruined my degree somewhat and I didn't achieve what I had been earmarked to do. Still I'm content now. I digress...

About a month later and my best mate was away at home in London so I head out with his girlfriend and one of her mates for a few drinks. The evening begins well but soon she starts buying me Sambucas, we progress through the evening with me getting more and more worse for wear eventually ending up in a nightclub.

In the club the drinking continues, spiced up with a bit of dancing. Eventually culminating in me pulling my best mates girl. Shame number two.

Walking home we pick up takeaway and head back to hers. At this moment in time I was thinking two things:

1) She screams like buggery.
2) My ex lives in the room next door.
1&2) Revenge.

From here on in things become a little hazy and I wake in the morning to find myself bollock naked next to the girl. In my now hugely hungover and sober state I am in full on shame #3. What the fuck am I going to tell my best mate? Anyway as a bit of damage limitation I decide the best course of action was to run the away. I hop out of bed to gather up my clothes only to discover they are piss wet through. This is a bit odd thinks I. On further investigation (a bit of a sniff) it turns out to actually be piss. Getting into my soaking clothes I discovered I'd even pissed on my t-shirt! The overwhelming sense of shame of pissing all over my clothes in my best mates girlfriends bedroom was only further compounded when I found a neat pile of crap at the end of her bed!

This was now far too much, so without explanation I bolted out the door and left her to sort it all out.

The walk back to my flat was truely a walk of complete shame. Covered in my own piss, I had no idea what I was going to say to my best mate, his girlfriend or what I had really done.

Anyway the end result is that my ex didn't speak to me for a good long while. My best mate was knobbing his ex back home in London and was looking for an excuse to dump his current girlfriend anyway. The girl in question moved away a year later and we haven't heard from her since.

The shame has been dulled by the retelling and has got to the point that it's generally the first story people will tell about me. I hope to trancend one day to ludicrous urban-legend.

But my god the shame!

Longest. Post. Evar. And I cut bits out.
(Tue 29th Nov 2005, 9:39, More)

» We have to talk

It sucked to be me...
If you girlfriend suggests you go on a break it generally means the following:

* - She has met someone new.
* - She doesn't know if he is better than you yet.
* - She wants to be guilt free whilst she finds out.
* - It's over.

Three years ago now and it still makes me angry thinking about it.
(Fri 20th Apr 2007, 12:08, More)

» Useless advice

Completely Useless...
But clicking 'I like this!' will increase your length*.

* - Girth for an extra $20.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 15:05, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

Not all artists are pretentious wankers...
...I work with a couple and live with one and they are all okay.

Pretentious types are all over though, in my final year of Uni we organised a piss up for the freshers of our course and the arty sister course. Que me ending up standing chatting to a guy who did his entire A-Level Art project by drawing hentai and was seriously discussing it like it was breathtaking.

Another story told to me by a friend who was studying Fine Art. Since this is second hand I can't verify the truthfullness though. They were scheduled to go and meet a local artist and the lecturer was showing the class some of his work. One painting was of a red boat and the lecturer asked the class to explain the significance of the colour choice. Que lots of bullshit reasons why someone might want a red boat.

On visiting the artist the lecturer then asked again about the significance of the red boat. The artists reply, "It was a red boat."

Pretentious wankers, its all a load of tentacle-cock.
(Fri 30th Sep 2005, 14:39, More)
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