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What a strange effect

(Mon 23rd May 2005, 19:26, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Pretty easy one this...
I'm 30, my girlfriend is 19.

Sometimes the immaturity can cause a bit of a problem - thankfully, she's quite forgiving of it.
(Sat 6th Dec 2008, 19:28, More)

» Insults

Mate of mine came up with a classic :
"I'd rather teabag a landmine!"
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 19:06, More)

» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

A few years ago I was back in my hometown after several years away. I was bored and lonely - all of my mates had packed off to uni so I was the only one around. I spent my time pissing about on the gamecube and drowning my sorrows in the local. Then one particularly memorable lunchtime pub sesh I got chatting with one of the uni-goers mums that I had met a few times previously - y'know, saying how we both missed him (me mostly to be polite, to be honest), how the town seem starved for youth at the moment - then her eyes lit up - "Except for you, y'young scallywag!"...

... several pints and a lot less judgement later, we ended up back at her gaff. stumbling into the kitchen, I wandered over to the fridge to grab a coke - this may have been an attempt to sober myself up a little, I'm not sure now. "I'm glad," she said, "that at least on of [son]'s friends has managed to stay off those awful drugs."

Ah, thought I, methinks I'd better stash this weed I'm carrying surreptitiously into the fridge so it won't get found in the ripping off of clothes which was so obviously on the cards. So I hid it behind the coleslaw.

And then we were off - in the kitchen, the hall, the bedroom... the bathroom... oops. a slight slip on my part had jism ending up all over the tiled floor. More than I would have thought possible, actually. "Dammit!" says I. Then looking up I notice she doesn't look too happy...

"Oh shit!" she cries, "Is that the time? My husband will be home in half an hour! We've got to get this cleared up!"

Her husband? Oh shit! [son]'s dad! In my drunken state and rampant horniness I'd made the unforgivable mistake of forgetting that the guy even existed!

"Right, where's your mop?"

"It broke! I chucked it away! Oh what are we going to do?"

"Don't panic... Don't panic... there's a shop just over the road isn't there? I'll go buy one."

"Are you sure you'd do that for me?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Really really sure?"


"You're sure?"

I was starting to get annoyed. "SURE." I had a feeling I wouldn't be calling on her again.

"OK, take my credit card and go get a mop."

So I legged it out the door, over the road, grabbed one of those squeegee mop things, paid on her card and got back in time to mop the floor and beat a swift retreat before hubby arrived home. However in the panic I left the weed sat behind the coleslaw in the fridge...

So there you go, Cool Grass and "SURE" Card/Addis.

Length? I've measured it from side to side, twas three feet long and two feet wide.
(Mon 8th Dec 2008, 12:06, More)

» Pubs

Hand Throw
I live in a quiet west country town. This town has several pubs, ranging from full o' underage chavs to quiet boozers for the elderly.

Somewhere in between was our favourite pub. It had a quiet side for the older folks and a "normal" side that was basically just a nice enough pub room. But despite it being our favourite pub, for a while we did our very best to annoy the landlord.

You see this pub had one of those internet jukeboxes. most of the time it would be playing your normal crappy pub songs, not our cup of tea but inoffensive enough.

But we, ah, we couldn't resist putting on "Hand throw" by Venetian snares. After the first few occasions, it would invariably get switched off by the landlord after the first 3 or 4 seconds. Eventually they got rid of that jukebox system altogether.

(I must admit to quite liking Venetian Snares myself, although usually I go for something a little more mellow like Shpongle...)
(Mon 9th Feb 2009, 21:29, More)

» Picky Eaters

Can't stand the taste/texture.

But only until it's melted, strangely. basically I cannot eat a block of solid cheese, it makes me physically gag, but I absolutely love cheese on toast/pizza etc.

Oh yeah, same with tomatoes until they're cooked.
(Thu 1st Mar 2007, 18:19, More)
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