» Crappy Prizes

Recent holiday. Kids compo on plane. Cue my 7 year old daughter.
On a plane to Majorca the cabin crew announced a competition to draw a picture. The winner on the plane gets a prize and their entry also gets the chance to go into the national compo and possibly win the grand final to be in a cancer awareness charity calendar. Nice one! My daughter toiled for nearly 3 fucking hours. I even chewed the wood back at the sharp end of the colouring pencils she was given, (we had no pencil sharpener).
WOO, she was announced the winner and was asked to stay in her seat at the end of the flight, (they really hyped it up the cunts). We did stay patiently in our seats while the whole plane emptied, speculating what she may have won, a colouring set? holiday vouchers? cash ?!?!?!?! We really thought she might be in for a treat... Finally, long after everyone had departed, the cabin crew arrived to award the grand prize...
A shitty bar of dairy milk, not even a big one, normal size.
I know it was for charity and whilst I do hope she may have contributed to saving anothers life, I still think it was a wanky prize...
We then had to get on a coach filled with nearly 200 people who had their holiday delayed for a bar of fucking dairy milk. They all knew it was my daughter who won and rather than congratulate us, they just stared menacingly at us as we descended the stairs of the plane. Even my daughter felt embarrassed.
(Mon 8th Aug 2005, 23:19, More)

» Injured Siblings

Plastic Egg Machines - You know, the orange ones on walls....
I thought that telling my four year old sister to stick her hand in the machine as I turned the dial on the front was good so she could grab more free toys.
Unfortunately, her hand got stuck inside.
The fire brigade and paramedics were called. She was stuck for hours. I blamed her, I was only 10 or so....They nearly amputated her hand to free her, her circulation had got so bad. Luckily she was freed. It even made the national papers, albeit a small space.
She's gay now. I'll always wonder if it was my fault or natural selection....
(Mon 22nd Aug 2005, 23:46, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

My daughters mums mum... She's a proper nut nut...
It hears voices in her head which she claims is the holy spirit talking to her, as opposed to her being a manic schizophrenic.
Oh yeah, she also talks giberish from time to time and claims to be speaking "in tongues".
I could write a book on her bizarre behaviour. She is either the chosen one or completely bonkers. Either way I am afraid.
(Thu 8th Sep 2005, 19:49, More)

» Teenage Poetry

ODE TO SPLIFF, Written during a boring Chemistry Lesson aged 15, 1989. Last verse circa 1991
Spliff is truly a wonderful thing
Think of all the joy it can bring
This substance lots of people hate
But that is what I cannot take
They don't know what it's really like
When you're buzzing through the night

I can be reduced to tears
When people act on pre-conceived ideas
They don't know what they're talking about
They just open their mouths and spout
All drugs are bad
That's not true
Puffs not coke, crack, speed or glue

Now in your mind, hear this verse
Puff won't put you in a hearse
But of the others please beware
They can spell danger
Without due care.
(Thu 11th Aug 2005, 17:36, More)

» That's when I knew it was over...

FAMILY....
I am me,
not because of them, in spite of them.
(Tue 26th Jul 2005, 23:50, More)