» Beautiful Moments

this is mine
It was about five years ago after the worst heartbreak I've ever known. I'd felt so unwanted and so alone for so long. I drove to the top of a hill and watched a thunder and lightning storm. It was beautiful. It was raining hard. I turned off the engine and the radio. I listened to the storm. I thought for a long time about a lot of things. I realized something I'd never thought of before. I am alone. I've always been alone. I always will be. Even if all my friends move away, or if they stay, or if I find my one true love and am perfectly happy... I'll be alone.

There's a sense of that which will never go away. I'm the only person who knows me. It's not a bad thing, but a peaceful thing. The weight that this realization hit me with was so powerful that I couldn't do anything but cry. I got out of my car and sat on the bonnet in the rain. I had mixed thoughts about why I was crying. After that, things have been different.
(Tue 15th Mar 2005, 10:04, More)