b3ta.com user sancho
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» Airport Stories

Quite a nice one....
Started off badly in Montreal with a cumulative seven hours of delays, up to and including two planes which were missing parts, two thunderstorms in different airports stopping replacement flights from getting off the ground and a false start boarding. Things then turned for the better...

Airline rep notices that I and one other guy, a chinese student I think, have been sitting in the same lounge for seven hours and I get bumped up to the next priority and put in first class. The joy was indescribable; had a stupid grin on my face for the entire face and flirted shamelessly with the crew because they were putting on their first-class faces as opposed to their nonplussed coach-class faces.

Made the connection flawlessly, which cheered me further and then embarked on the transatlantic leg of the flight (in coach unfortunately, but a surprisingly pleasant journey).

The topper was when I got back to England feeling tired and somewhat out of sorts standing in the passport control hall; new EU passport and I walk straight to the short queue, past all the tired american tourists - bonus. Then there is a nice guy at the desk who checks the passport and just says, "Welcome back, Sancho." and waves me through. I could have cried; it was just what the doctor ordered.

My good mood lasted for the rest of the day...
(Mon 6th Mar 2006, 12:35, More)

» The Onosecond

BT and SMS
Just tried the sending sms to a land line thing. Didn't realise it read your number out though... monkeys.

A female voice reading "Lick my face." awesome and disturbing, or perhaps disturbingly awesome.
(Fri 27th May 2005, 8:41, More)

» Petty Sabotage

not sure if i've already posted this...
1) ice water thrown on housemate bathing with door open to listen to her music from her room. my mate and i filled a pitcher of water and tipped it all over her. caught the lot on camera too.

2) My father and a bunch of uni mates set up an oil derick on Southampton common and walked around for a day wearing boiler suits saying "mogul oil". Made into the paper. That's how you sabotage a park.

not sorry. at all
(Tue 10th May 2005, 10:40, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Treasure or drunken theft?
In first year of university, a mate and I spotted a bathtub in a skip on the way back from the pub, when we were drunk as lords.

The drunken mind is a wonderful thing, and as we looked at this decaying, rusting piece of someone elses waste we thought "Looks like fun!" and carried the big white bastard to the halls of residence.

We left the tub in the drying room of the girls floor below us. They thought we'd stolen one of their tubs, we laughed; they said they'd call the warden, we scarpered and dumped the tub in the courtyard. All three floors on our block proceeded to pelt the tub with the condiments from the communal fridges, go out on the lash and then come back and piss in the bastard thing.

However, the cleaner had recently issued an ultimatum concerning the abysmal state of our floor and since she'd already broken down once, we had to move the tub before the next morning or we would surely feel her wrath.

So four of us donned surgical gloves (thankyou medics) and carried out the white enamel filth pit that was the latest incarnation of the bath. Interestingly, our search to find a place to dump this odorous cargo led us into a veritable treasure trove of rusty bikes, other baths and numerous sundries which the caretakers had been too lazy to dispose of properly and which scally kids had dumped on site.

Ahh... the memories...

I think thats enough length and girth to be pleasurable...
(Mon 4th Jul 2005, 10:53, More)

» Jobsworths

not terribly original - traffic wardens
I fucking hate trafffic wardens, no-good jobsworths who stare at passerby with the dopey bovine malice usually reserved for a difficult cow. I don't know why not, but IMO it is normal and reasonable to park briefly in an empty road, miles away from other motorists and pedestrians for twenty minutes while dropping stuff off and moving it. Evidently not though; council bastards.

My solution to this is that all traffic wardens should be genetically modified to be like bees; one sting and they crawl away to die miserable and unfulfilled deaths. They've got the yellow stripe thing down already, they just need to go the rest of the way.
(Wed 18th May 2005, 11:39, More)
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